Month: March 2015

How to Be More Attractive
When you get divorced, you’re forced to say a lot of goodbyes. One day, I had a brother- and sister-in-law.…
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An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 11
When a conjoined twin dies, their attached sibling usually dies soon after. In most cases, one can’t live without the…
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The Control Issues
It felt like I died. I was depressed. Not like “oh, I’m feeling a little emo and wish more people…
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A License to Live
Within the first week of getting my driver’s license in 1995, I let a woman with two children in her…
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The Eye of the Beholder
Little-known secret: I’m not particularly cultured or well-educated. Sorry to disappoint you. I mean, I have some refined tastes and…
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Maybe If We Don’t, We Die
When your marriage fails and you’re in your thirties and you have a child, you freak out. First, your wife…
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Matt the Plumber
I looked the part. Jeans and a tee shirt. A wrench and a bucket. But the universe knows I’m not…
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The Milestones
Right after your wife leaves you and you’re crying and barely able to breathe, the only thing you want to…
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Faith Like a Child
Because I was an only child, I often found myself meeting and playing with new kids. No one cared about…
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The Pee Problem
Because I’m sometimes unreliable and don’t always follow through with things, I am getting serious about my body for the…
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