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March 2015
How to Be More Attractive
When you get divorced, you’re forced to say a lot of goodbyes.
One day, I had a brother- and sister-in-law.…
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An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 11
When a conjoined twin dies, their attached sibling usually dies soon after.
In most cases, one can’t live without the…
The Control Issues
It felt like I died.
I was depressed. Not like “oh, I’m feeling a little emo and wish more people…
A License to Live
Within the first week of getting my driver’s license in 1995, I let a woman with two children in her…
The Eye of the Beholder
Little-known secret: I’m not particularly cultured or well-educated.
Sorry to disappoint you.
I mean, I have some refined tastes and…
Maybe If We Don’t, We Die
When your marriage fails and you’re in your thirties and you have a child, you freak out.
First, your wife…
Matt the Plumber
I looked the part. Jeans and a tee shirt. A wrench and a bucket.
But the universe knows I’m not…
The Milestones
Right after your wife leaves you and you’re crying and barely able to breathe, the only thing you want to…
Faith Like a Child
Because I was an only child, I often found myself meeting and playing with new kids.
No one cared about…
The Pee Problem
Because I’m sometimes unreliable and don’t always follow through with things, I am getting serious about my body for the…
