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Unfit for Fatherhood
The baby wouldn’t come.
Push.
My wife was in pain. There was a large audience of doctors and nurses. I…
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The Storm
My phone made a sound I’d never heard before.
I picked it up and looked at the screen. Tornado warning.…
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle
Many aspects of the human experience unite us.
Commonalities. Things we all share. Our DNA is similar. Our biology and…
The 95 Percent
“Hey, Matt! Why are you always talking about divorce!?!?”
Because next to things like air and food and water, I…
Advertising and Kids
I know how to stimulate the economy.
Not create job growth, necessarily. This plan would almost certainly not address the…
An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 6
You think you’re being nice. But you’re not.
You think you’re doing her a favor. But you’re not.
You think…
“Dad! I Have to Show You Something.”
Uh-oh.
That can mean so many things.
“Daaaad! I have to show you something,” my five-year-old yelled from down the…
The Art of Dating Discrimination
I’ve only had three girlfriends ever make it past the get-to-know-you phase.
It’s because both my mom and dad had…
The Worst Cat in the World
I have a very bad cat.
His name is Eli.
He lives in the unfinished half of my basement, and…
A Robot That Does Everything For You
“Hey dad,” my five-year-old son said. “Wouldn’t it be cool if for your birthday, I got you a robot that…
