Stuff I Want to Help Others With

The Vampire Test
Pablo Picasso was a vampire. The famed artist had a talent and reputation for sucking energy from the people he…
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The Saddest Place in the World
If the pursuit of happiness is our most-important Earthly mission, my neighbors and I are doing it wrong. According to…
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To Dust We Shall Return
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea All we do, crumbles to the ground, though…
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The Pursuit of Happiness, Vol. 2
There is a small country in South Asia—Bhutan—where the government measures its success based on the collective happiness of its…
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An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 6
You think you’re being nice. But you’re not. You think you’re doing her a favor. But you’re not. You think…
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The Problems That Remain
When I have a bunch of chores, I tend to save the hardest stuff for last. I think there’s probably…
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The Art of Dating Discrimination
I’ve only had three girlfriends ever make it past the get-to-know-you phase. It’s because both my mom and dad had…
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The Worst Cat in the World
I have a very bad cat. His name is Eli. He lives in the unfinished half of my basement, and…
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Why Kids Are Happier Than You
Kids are smarter than you. When kids aren’t crapping their pants, exposing themselves in public or throwing temper tantrums because…
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How to Not Choose Yourself
It’s so easy to feel sorry for yourself. I do it all the time. Because I lost my wife. Because…
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