Dating

The 95 Percent
“Hey, Matt! Why are you always talking about divorce!?!?” Because next to things like air and food and water, I…
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The Separation Anniversary
She took off her wedding ring one year ago today. That’s when I learned she did, anyway. It was Easter…
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The Man in the Mirror
I see him every morning when I step out of the shower. We stare at one another again while I’m…
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The One Where Everything’s Different
At 4:37 a.m. Central Time, I turned 35. I’m completely unfazed. I’m less interested and less affected by the occasion…
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The Jesuit Standoff
Pooping embarrasses me more than almost anything. You might say I suffer from a super-minor form of parcopresis. It’s not…
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The Art of Dating Discrimination
I’ve only had three girlfriends ever make it past the get-to-know-you phase. It’s because both my mom and dad had…
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A Girl at a Bar
It was to be a different kind of Valentine’s Day. I was okay with that. My five-year-old son had a…
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The First Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day in elementary school is when you found out which girls “liked” you and which didn’t. We all made…
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The Three Wishes
Everyone has considered it. Finding that genie lamp. Three wishes. “Only” three. Because we’re greedy and we want more. We…
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I Hope There Are Aliens
On an April Fools’ Day long before the one my wife chose to vacate our home, the local newspaper ran…
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