The First Valentine’s Day

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They're still the most-bought candy on Valentine's Day. I don't know that's true. I just read it on the internet.
They’re still the most-bought candy on Valentine’s Day. Might be true. I just read it on the internet.

Valentine’s Day in elementary school is when you found out which girls “liked” you and which didn’t.

We all made those little Valentine’s Day card boxes out of shoe boxes we decorated.

Then everyone in your class would give one another Valentine’s Day cards and candy.

Most of the time, you just signed your name on the back of the little rectangle card.

But if a girl liked you, you got a bonus note.

“Dear Matt,

“I think you are very nice and sweet and I hope you like the candy I gave you. I gave you more than the other boys because I want to be on you.


“<Insert random girl name here>”

Only part of that is made up.

And then you make eye contact, if she wasn’t fidgeting nervously at her desk.

Does she want to talk on the phone?

Does she want to hold hands?

Does she want to “go together”?

Sweet. Simple. Drama-free.

You eat candy hearts. And Sweet Tarts. And you open all your cards, ignoring the ones from Chad and Jim and the other Matt and John and the Bills.

And your heart flutters because Erin dotted the “I” in her name with a heart.

Because you got a cute note from Kelly or Lisa or Deanna or Jill or Sarah or Kim or Stacey or Leslie or Gretchen. Or whoever.

I’m pretty sure it doesn’t get better than that.

Free candy NOT from a creepy white van AND notes from girls so you don’t have to read between too many lines.

How great would that be as adults? If all the single people got together and exchanged candy and Valentine’s Day cards with cartoon characters on them, with little notes?

You don’t have to answer that because I already know it’s one of the top-three best ideas ever.

(Note to self: Try to invent a Valentine’s Day for single people party in 2015 to do this exact thing.)

A Brief History of February 14

Roman Emperor Claudius II executed—not one, but two—men with the name Valentine in the 3rd century. Both in different years. Both on February 14.

Claudius thought Valentine’s Day was bullshit before it was cool to think so.

The Catholic Church honored those men as martyrs and dubbed the occasion St. Valentine’s Day before later removing it from the church calendar in 1969.

There’s no evidence linking the sex act of 69ing to this occasion. In fact, it’s widely speculated inside my brain that 69ing was happening before 1969. But Wikipedia doesn’t know, so I don’t either.

Be Mine

I was never particularly good at this Valentine’s Day thing.

A year ago, I was excited to get a red envelope from my wife. We’d spent more than a year sleeping in separate bedrooms. Hope?

I opened the card. A card for Dad.

A scribbled signature from my son.

It’s the kind of thing you appreciate, of course, but it’s also the kind of thing that rips your guts out.

I didn’t expect Valentine’s Day to bother me much this year.

When I first thought about it, realizing it was a Friday, I knew I’d either have my son at home (and I do!) or I’d go get wrecked with some single people who are in the same boat I’m in.

Either way, I had a plan.

I scrolled through my Facebook feed earlier. Lots of nice notes from friends to their spouses.

Couples I have memories of doing couples things with.

There were a few pangs. Nothing I can’t handle.

You know what I’ve been wondering a lot lately? What my ex-wife thinks and feels on a day like this.

Does she ever think about me?

Or does she think about him?

Or does she think about some new guy?

Or maybe nothing at all?

I don’t know. And it really doesn’t matter. I can’t help it. It just pops in there.

That’s what she said.

Love You

One of the more-selfish life observations I’ve made as my years have advanced is how we gravitate toward people sometimes—not because of how much we like them (even though we do!)—but because of how they make us feel about ourselves.

It’s crazy. Do you really like that person? Or do you just like how they make you feel?

Is there even a difference?

I don’t know.

I like how you make me feel.

I want to like you unselfishly. I try to. I hope you feel that way.

But, really? Other than my son who I will shower with affection this weekend?

No one makes me feel as good as you do.

I try to write every day. I try to leave a little slice of my soul in each post.

And so many of you hit the pause button on your busy lives to drink a little of it.

I’m sure some of you roll your eyes and hate it. Thank you for not telling me.

Maybe others smile, like it, go on with your days. Thank you.

Others take a minute to hit that “Like” button. Thank you.

And others still take a few extra minutes to be part of the conversation. Almost always, you have something thoughtful, supportive, empathetic, kind, encouraging and/or funny to say. Thank you.

You’re my Valentine.

Faceless stranger.

A friend. A reliable one. Giving me so much of what’s been missing in my life for so long.



The encouragement to believe in myself. To believe that I can be so much more than just some corporate nobody. That I can punch these keys and it can matter. To someone. Maybe you.

Someday, someone is going to give me a second chance at feeling alive. I can’t wait to meet her.

But in the meantime, it’s you.

Yes, you.

You’re giving me a second chance to feel alive.

And that means so much to me every day.

But it really means a lot on my first Valentine’s Day.

My first Valentine’s Day where something’s missing.

But here you are. Reminding me to breathe. Giving me hope.

You are very nice and sweet and I hope you like the candy I gave you. I gave you more than the others because I want to be on you.

Some of that is untrue.

But this isn’t…

I love you.

119 thoughts on “The First Valentine’s Day”

  1. This gave me both a smile and a wistful. (Is a wistful a thing? It is now. BAM! ENGLISH!)

    Happy Valentine’s Day, Matt; this year, the internet’s my Valentine, as well, and I’m glad you’re part of it. I’m giving you the Superman valentine. I always saved those for my favorites. And here’s some peanut butter Dove chocolates; those are the best ones.

    1. Thank you.

      You just invented “a wistful” as a noun. And now everyone owes you a quarter every time they say it until the end of time.

      You’re going to have so much money to by peanut butter Dove chocolate now.

      I’m glad you’re part of it, too. Thank you so much for the Superman valentine. I’m psyched.

  2. Happy Valentine’s day! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about those Valentines boxes and bags we used to make in school and I love the idea of having a party and doing it again. It was always fun in elementary getting to do that and then having the afternoon party with candy and cookies and getting to play around all hopped up on sugar. Ah…those were the days! 🙂 Have fun with your kiddo this weekend and cherish each hug and snuggle (as I’m sure you already do).

    1. Thank you very much. 🙂

      I promise to have as much fun with my son as we can squeeze into the weekend.

      And yes. Those were the days.

      Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well!

  3. Aww. I loved this post, Matt! Happy Valentine’s Day to you. I’m betting you and your boy have a great weekend, with lots of candy and fun!

  4. Matt, having grown up in a crafty, creative house and a crafty school, my Valentine’s were always homemade. Red or pink construction paper, lots of lace doilies cut up and pasted on. Handwritten notes with messages reminding my classmates and friends that I appreciated them. Since I too am without a recipient of one of those handmade cards, that’s what I’m taking with me today – my appreciation for my friends and classmates and writers of blogs. You are not alone…..
    Happy Valentine’s Day!

    1. And to you. 🙂

      I appreciate that you didn’t take shortcuts. I hope you wrote extra-nice notes to the people you liked the most!

  5. completelyinthedark

    Fantastic, Matt. What got me was the “how someone makes you feel.” HUGE red flag. It can sometimes be thing that makes you forget how to treat either that person (individually, openly, honestly) or anyone else you claim to like (or even love).

    And further, what’s great is we’re all learning. Today hurts for me because five years ago, I had a memorable V Day with my ex, but more for how I REMEMBER she made me feel. If I think clearly, she was hurting at the time. I failed to question it and put our relationship to the test. For failing that, she went with Guy B. Ugh. But I’m also sure it was for many other reasons than just me. As it often is. People are complicated.

    So, today, do something nice for someone you like. Reach out. Do something nice for yourself, knowing that because you did that, someone, someday will be the benefactor of your self-generosity.

    Sometimes it’s the best we can do. God bless, my friend! 🙂

    1. Like I said…

      Thoughtful. Kind. Encouraging.

      A reminder to keep breathing.

      What a wonderful comment. Thank you so much.

  6. I see what you did there. 😉

    I don’t know how you do it. Really. You know how to bring my heart to my throat. There is something … Something about knowing I am not alone on this road. That someone else is there. And understands. Feels what I feel. Wants what I want. Knowing that if someone else knows and understands and feels, then, I’m not dumb …. Or selfish….. Or alone. You do that. I’m not looking forward to today but you’ve definitely inspired me to be on the lookout for “I”‘s dotted with hearts. Special tokens that are just for me. Reminders that my life is still awesome and blessed.

    Happy valentines day, Matt #1. <3

    And I think you're on to something cuz that party idea. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there with my glue in one hand and my red glitter in the other. 😉

    1. It would be a lovely party, I think.

      Not sure the juice will be worth the squeeze for a lot of cross-country traveling. Perhaps we can coordinate a series of regional parties in several places simultaneously.

      I’m so good at being organized and not procrastinating that this should be a piece of cake.

      Again. Thank you for saying nice things. Really nice things. I know you get it. All the deep-down stuff. And I’m sorry you do. I don’t want people to get it, but it feels nice for everyone when we realize it’s not just us.

      It’s not just you.

      It’s not just me.

      I’m so grateful that you “feel” something when you read these things. And I’m so grateful that you take the time to say so.

      Happy Valentine’s Day, young lady. To heart-dotted “I”s.

  7. From one guy to another, Happy (Saint) Valentine’s Day.

    It’s interesting to read everyone’s take on this day, their stories for the better or worse, because every word written seems to be more honest. We could expect nothing less, since this is a matter of the heart(s).

    I’ve only gotten one bonus note in my life, and that was in fourth grade. Never found out who it was, however.

    But should I have one later, I’ll tip a pint glass to you. You’re a good man, and celebrate proudly with your son.

    1. Thank you, Chris! And to you, sir.

      Pint glasses, indeed.

      Having a bunch of those sounds awesome. Maybe this weekend.


  8. Awww…isn’t that just the sweetest Valentine a faceless reader could ever get!!
    I get to celebrate twice, please don’t be jealous, it’s also my birthday.
    Essentially that means, I don’t need no stinking Valentine, I’m getting chocolate and flowers anyway. HA!
    Enjoy a weekend with your boy filled with mushy guy stuff!!

    1. We’re going to have a rad time.

      Happy birthday, Dawn! Yay, you!

      You don’t need no stinking Valentine!

      But I do hope you have an amazing time, just the same.

      Be safe out there! 🙂

  9. Valentines Day is everyday. The hype for this one day is too much pressure.

    Remember those mailboxes in grade school? Sending carnations in High School? All it did was show who the popular kids were.
    The ones who got oodles of cards.
    The ones who ended up with bouquets of flowers.

    I thought of those who never got a card save for the observant teacher who made sure each child had a card.
    I remember the girls would be absent from school that day because there were never any flowers on their desk in home room.

    Valentines Day has it’s downside.
    Everyone needs to know that they’re special and LOVED everyday!

    I love you…too.

    1. Everything has its downside. Even the really, really good stuff.

      Valentine’s Day has all kinds of downside.

      Sad story about the absent girls with no flowers on their desk.

      When I was a kid, I wouldn’t have cared. And now, my heart would break.

      Time is an amazing thing.

      Thank you, Julie. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours.

  10. My first Valentine Day post D-Day. Wedding anniversary too. Have set the D.I.V.O.R.C.E going. Bought myself some flowers and chocolates. Written my own un-Valentine me poem .Oh, and never marry on Valentine’s Day…..

    1. Goodness.

      I’m going to try not to. Promise.

      Today can’t be easy for you. Thank you for being a part of this, and for sharing yourself with the rest of us.

      My very best wishes.

  11. Happy Valentine’s Day, Matt…I love you <3 You remind us we really are all connected. Yep, that's what it is about your writing…one soul reaching out to another. Ohio to Melbourne, Australia in this case. The time difference is tough…gotta stop reading your posts sooo early in the mornings! Thank You x

    1. 🙂

      Hi Kerry in Melbourne!

      Such a miracle that people read this stuff. Even more amazing that it’s sometimes done on the other side of the world.

      Thank you so much for saying hello.

      Happy Valentine’s Day.

  12. “One of the more-selfish life observations I’ve made as my years have advanced is how we gravitate toward people sometimes—not because of how much we like them (even though we do!)—but because of how they make us feel about ourselves.

    It’s crazy. Do you really like that person? Or do you just like how they make you feel?”

    The saddest thing that can happen to a relationship is to be all-in, devoted to it 100% and then to find out that the other person was totally manipulating you, building you up for the pleasure of knocking you down tomorrow. I can’t even trust that feeling any more because it could be (yet another) monster pushing all the right buttons to lure me into his trap.

    This year the internet is my Valentine, too, and so far it’s a really good day!

    Happy V-day and thank you for sharing 🙂

    1. You deserve all the really good days you can get.

      I am so glad today is one of them.

      Here’s to all the goodness continuing. Really appreciate you.

      Happy V-day!

    1. We’re EXACTLY the same!

      Except for height and gender.

      Other than that, we’re exactly the same!

      Thank you for saying hi and sharing your work. 🙂

      Happy Valentine’s Day, Rachel. I mean, Tall Rachel!

  13. That was so sweet, Matt. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too!

    Seeing as how I don’t even celebrate (or care for) Valentine’s Day, you should feel pretty special that I took a moment to say that. Haha…I’m kidding. I do appreciate you though and hope you have a wonderful day with your son.

  14. Gak. You had me until you got all mushy at the end. And, WP really needs to let us comment with pictures… I see your Valentine conversation hearts and raise you mine conversation hearts… (and I hate to do this, I find it very self-serving, but it’s the only way I can think to show you the picture I’m thinking of and used this morning on my FB page as I wished everyone a happy day)
    Scroll to the very bottom picture. That’s my contribution to your VD distress. You’ll get it as soon as you see it!

    1. Sometimes I’m mushy!!!

      And I don’t have any VDs!!!!!!!!!!


      Thanks for sharing, Kate. Hope you have a great day!

  15. This is my favorite Valentine’s Day post I’ve seen. I really can’t figure out how you do it, how you are able to turn anything into something profound and beautiful with your writing. I’m studying you and trying to learn… The community and support from this whole blogging thing is pretty amazing. Here’s to you and your boy having a beautiful Valentine’s Day together (raising imaginary glass).

    1. Boooo, imaginary glasses.

      I’ll be glad to imaginarily Cheers you with a real glass later, though. 🙂

      Thank you for saying this is your favorite V-Day post you’ve seen. That really means a lot.

      I think it’s funny that you find anything profound or beautiful about any of this.

      But like anything, I suppose it’s in the eye of the beholder.

      I care that you care. I care that you like this stuff. And I can’t thank you enough for saying so.

      I hope you and your family have a wonderful Valentine’s Day and weekend, Gretchen.

      My very best wishes.

  16. Wonderful post, as always. A good reminder that love comes in all shapes and sizes and forms. While we may not all have that special someone to share a romantic evening with, we all have people to love. Children, parents, friends, coworkers, and yes…Internet blog friends. Much love to you and your son. Happy Valentine’s Day, Matt! ❤️

  17. Hi Matt – thanks for your kind words. Even though we haven’t engaged all that much here on MBTTTR, you have been in my thoughts since WordPress profiled your blog the end of January. I’ve read your ” oeuvre” cover to cover. Happy Valentine’s day, from a latecomer. And I hope the weekend passes with as little emotional hardship as possible. You know, the first Valentine’s day since the bomb went off – the anniversary effect and all that jazz.

    1. Hi Maggie!

      I can’t believe you read every post. Some people do that.

      I hope you think I’ve grown. I hope you think I’m better today than I was six months ago. At everything.

      Thank you for doing that. And saying hi. And caring. And wishing me well.

      I think it’s going to be a really nice weekend with my son.

      And in truth, I hope the former Mrs. can find a way to have a beautiful weekend, because that little boy gives me an unfair advantage.

      You’re sweet, Maggie. Thank you so much.

  18. I think dates like June 6th and October 20th are more important than Valentines Day (especially because the origin doesn’t seem so romantic). You know what days those are?…

    They’re random dates. Because those random dates when you appreciate someone mean more than the calendar stamped ones.

    Regardless, you rock. And we all love you. Not just today, but all the other days too. x

    1. Yes. There are several dates on the calendar much more meaningful to me than this one. Just felt like the right time to profess my love to hundreds of random strangers on the internet, you know? 🙂

      Thank you, Lara. I hope whatever your plans are involves copious amounts of fun and happiness.

      Please have a great weekend. Happy V-day, lady. Thank you for saying hi.

  19. I’ve been quietly following your blog for some time now. It’s my first Valentine’s Day too. I hope you enjoy it with your son, I plan to enjoy mine with my kids. You are an inspiration, thank you.

    1. Thank you very much. For quietly following along. And for not quietly wishing me well today.

      I certainly wish the same for you and your children.

      I hope you find a lot of joy in your time together. 🙂

      I appreciate this note very much.

  20. An awesome Post, Matt. And it means I get to celebrate Valentines Day twice, because I live in New Zealand and it was V Day here yesterday!

    Happy Valentines Day to you and your son:) Have a wonderful day and weekend filled with all the good things in life – children, fun, chocolates and icecream
    ooh, maybe you could help your son make a Valentines Day card for his mum? just a thought….

    1. Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well. I didn’t know you were a Kiwi!

      Lovely country you guys have. Hope to see it someday. 🙂

      Please enjoy your weekend!

      1. Thanks, Matt 🙂
        When you do get to New Zealand – you would be more than welcome to come stay with us!
        Just let me know when you’re coming 🙂

  21. As much as it is lovely to see all the love being shared (sometimes obscenely) on Valentine’s Day, it makes me question why we take only one (overly commercialized) day to express our like or love for and to others…
    Perhaps, in these crazy and busy times, we need that glowing billboard-esque reminder.
    AND, why is it purely focused on love between two adults (or teenagers or whomever)???
    *Sorry. Rant over.*
    Maybe a day dedicated to love should not be limited in these ways.
    It is great that you will have your son with you, I would guess he is the one whom you love most 😉
    Why not turn this day into something else?
    That’s what we did – here in Ontario it is Family Day weekend, a long weekend designed to ease us through the once painful February drought (previously the only month sans a long weekend), anyways we’re having a weekend of indoor camping and movies.
    Happy Valentine’s/Family Day!!

  22. “That I can punch these keys and it can matter. To someone. Maybe you.”
    – It does matter to me Matt. 🙂

    Although I loved celebrating my first Valentine’s Day with my husband today, I agree with what RR said in the comments, before:
    “Maybe a day dedicated to love should not be limited in these ways.”
    – Let’s celebrate the love we are and share that with the whole world!

    ♥ Happy Valentine’s Day Matt! And thank you. ♥

    Much love right back at you,

    1. Thank you very much, Steffi. I hope it was a beautiful day for you.

      This was a super-nice note. I really appreciate it. A lot.

      Please enjoy the rest of your weekend. 🙂

  23. You are really very nice and sweet and I really, really liked the candy you gave us today… Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day with your son… enjoy a great weekend! We love you!

  24. Enjoy the day, Matt. I don’t get to go out until Saturday. I don’t get my
    Kids this weekend. My ex is actually taking them for an extra day too. Even though I have them all the time, it still made a “oomf” in my heart when she asked if she could. Maybe it’s about the money. I’m going to be alone today and alone on Sunday. I’m whining so I guess I better make Saturday count.

    Thanks for being a great read…

    1. I know all those feelings, sir. I wouldn’t dream of pretending to understand your life and preferences. But 100-percent of the time? I’m happier being out and “living” than I am being cooped up alone in my house. Maybe go feed off the energy of others tonight. Have some drinks.

      Adventures happen that way, sir.

      Really appreciate you reading, Dan.

  25. Hope you and your son have a great Valentines weekend together. Thanks for inspiring, entertaining, and sharing with all of us. 🙂

        1. Tricky subterfuge? A clever ruse? A covert attempt to make me and others think something is true that actually isn’t?

          It wouldn’t be the first time someone used double-reverse-reverse psychology to manipulate people.

          Like having crushes on super villains. And robot murderers.

          *makes suspicious “watching you” motion with fingers and eyes*

          1. All of the above. Obviously. Cat’s out of the bag now. I’m also the deviant mastermind behind the “missing left sock” debacle.

          2. We almost had an “ah-ha” moment, just now. And I was super-excited.

            But that’s when it hit me…

            All my missing socks are righties.

            So, you’re cool.

  26. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too. I’m in the same boat as you as it’s my first post-divorce V-Day and I would either have my kids (yay!) or be “alone” and probably working. Turns out I do not have my kids.
    Luckily my brother & sister-in-law got me a concert ticket for tonight. Yes, I’m still technically a single among couples but at least I can enjoy live music and drink to my heart’s content (or my liver’s capacity at least).
    Enjoy your time with your son & thanks for writing.

    1. I hope you have an amazing time tonight. 🙂 Would love to learn who you’re going to see. Regardless, have lots and lots of fun please. Thank you so much for the note.

      Happy Valentine’s Day.

      1. I’m seeing The Airborne Toxic Event at the Fillmore in Detroit. I was given two tickets for Christmas but actually couldn’t find anyone to use my other ticket. How’s that for a Valentine’s Day burn?
        I am with four other people though so not actually alone alone. That would be exceptionally pathetic.

        1. I know of them. I have a friend who adores them.

          I asked a few people to go with me to a concert last week. One of my guy friends had to fill in. #datefail

          I get it. 🙂

          Just have fun. Have your drinks. And have a spectacular night.

          Thank you for writing back. 🙂

          1. One of my many sister’s was going to use my other ticket but backed out….yesterday.
            Date? What is this date thing you speak of?

          2. Just one horn. A think a multi-horned flying horse ceases to become a unicorn once you bring multiple horns into the equation. 🙂

            Did you love The Airborne Toxic Event live? Anybody good open?

          3. Good point. I guess multiple horns would invalidate the uni part of unicorn…that would have to be a polycorn.

            I did love Airborne Toxic Event! I got pretty close to them too, just a row or two of people from the stage. Normally I’m all about personal space but at concerts….nope, no such thing. There’s nothing like jumping around to live music with a bunch of strangers.
            The opening band was Cutlass. They were so-so but they did some decent covers.

          4. Polycorn. Multicorn. We have options.

            I’m so glad you had a nice time. Live music’s the best. Here’s to having fun Saturday too. 🙂


          5. Yes it is. I try to go to at least a couple shows a year. My problem is usually finding someone to go with me. Not many people I know share my taste in music.

            I actually do have some fun planned for today too. It’s one of my son’s birthday & I’m getting my kids for a couple hours and going swimming.
            Two fun things in one weekend is such a rare thing for me. Usually when I don’t have my kids I just work all weekend; this is almost excitement overload for me…almost. 🙂
            I hope you also find something fun to do today.

          6. Good choice. We saw it last weekend. I was at least as excited to see it as my kids were & it did not disappoint.

            Thanks. He’s 13 today. It’s weird when your kids get taller than you. :/

  27. I was just thinking about this. I was thinking about reminding all of my single friends (or friends who aren’t single but aren’t feeling it) that there are so many people out there who do love them. Maybe it’s not romantic or sexual, but it’s love, and the significance of that shouldn’t be underestimated.

    And I love you too, Matt, for putting yourself out there, for sharing your deepest thoughts and your vulnerabilities, and for letting us share and bond over that. You’ve created a place where we feel accepted and understood, and where there’s hope that we can all get through it if we band together. That’s pretty powerful stuff, sir. 🙂

    Have a wonderful weekend, Matt, and thank you!

    1. Too nice. Sometimes the words are too nice.

      Thank you, Gail. I hope this weekend provides a lot of fun and happiness for you.

      I really appreciate all of the kind words. I need to learn some new words for flattered. But that’s how I feel. So flattered that you care.

      Happy Valentine’s Day.

  28. It’s a long time since I’ve paid much attention to Valentine’s day 🙂
    This is a lovely post. And PS– your idea for a singles Valentine party is awesome.

  29. I would come to your V-Day party in a heartbeat….so to speak. Thanks for being on this page, and my, sir, you are a fine writer. Enjoy your beautiful boy.

  30. So sweet, Matt. I just read this, after a long day, and it’s already 12 minutes past Valentine’s Day, which I don’t like much, either. Single people at a party sounds like a good idea. In school, I didn’t get a lot of cards so the teacher made me one. I could tell. Hope you’re having a wonderful time with your son. And thank you for sharing a piece of your soul here. Real. Honest. Refreshing blog. Thank you.

    1. I don’t know how to invent parties. But I have 364 days to think about it.

      I really appreciate that you take a moment to read sometimes. I hope your long days wasn’t miserable. And I hope your weekend is outstanding.

  31. HOpe you stil enjoyed love day despite the hurt that goes with it. I just realized now, as i was reading this. i have never ever had a valentine!!! not once.. not in my teens because well, boys are stupid and i a dork and whatnot and in my early 20’s i’ve never actually dated anyone at a time that crossed with LOVE day. i’ve been single for 9 years (ignorning the last 3 where i had 3 attempts that just failed miserably) and i’ve always hated Vday.

    you know that typical bitter person that will say it’s too commercial, means nothing, just a fad? but this year soemthing change.. well a while ago really. when you’re in a relationship or you’re just aware of love, then love day is cute and funny and silly and it doesn’t matter that it’s just one day, because you still appreciate them every other day.

    so yesterday i dressed up in a new red and white dress, some pearls and heels, a pretty face and curtly hair with side swept bangs and i went to work with love and happiness and a silly mood. I rolled with it

    i bought chocolate heart sweets and those musk sweet with the little love messages and i spent a good 30 minutes walking all around the office handing out these sweets and just shared my happy mood.

    nothing wrong with that

    so happy love day. love from your boy. love from random bloggers. love from friends and family. just love

    1. Sounds like you did all you could to make it fun for you and others. And that you a good time as a result.

      Thank you for giving and being part of the good of the day for those people. And for us here.

  32. Thank you for the Valentine, and Happy Valentine’s to you too, and your boy 🙂

    I liked getting that Valentine from you, I really liked it.

    1. I’m so glad, Dorothy. You’ve been very kind and supportive since finding me here. As much as anyone. I notice. It means a lot. Thank you so much for taking the time to do that.

      1. You’re so very welcome. You’re a generous and loving soul, maybe you doubt that, I do with myself, one of the aftermaths of divorce maybe.

        But I’m learning that being loving and generous is inherent, I just lost sight of it, then lost the relationship where I had the opportunity to give and receive it, only because I forgot and doubted, then I gotta go through this wrenching process of not knowing. Not knowing if I blew my only chance at love.

        I admire your process, I have faith in it, and I gain strength in it. Because you share it, I don’t feel alone. Because you articulate it, I don’t always have to find my own words for it. And, I find myself rooting for you.

        That’s the best part. It’s easy for me to feel certain that you’re on the right path, that you’ll find your way through this, and have the second chance to share your life and share in the life of someone else.

        The thought that follows…If Matt can, so can I!

        Because this is wicked tough, digging out the rot of what got me here, and replanting who I want to become, and then having a shaky faith that I’ll be able to share love again after squandering it, that I’ll somehow be forgiven for that and be given that second chance.

        So Cheers to you, and to everyone. We can’t be so wrong and forever lost, that doesn’t feel right, because we’re here, following Matt and giving our good comments, it shows me we’ve got good, loving, and generous souls, it’s inherent, it’s there, we’re getting back in touch with it, having faith in it, and preparing it to meet and embrace our second chance.

  33. I was that guy who always said, “man this day is silly, a Hallmark holiday.” I never paid much attention to Valentine’s Day.

    Yesterday I was at the market buying apples and oranges. On the way to the checkout line I passed that section with roses, balloons and cards. The section I would scoff at. There was a large gathering of men there putting together their bundle of flowers. Some dressed in business clothes, making that effort after work to not go home empty handed. I walked by with my head down, jealous as hell.

    1. Yes. That.

      Perspective violently changed after we go through the metamorphosis on the inside.

      It changes everything.

      The only thing I know how to do is to continue to reflect on my missteps, understand WHY they were missteps, and make sure I never make them again should I be fortunate to have another opportunity.

      Some things are important. Others aren’t.

      I’m not sure I believe Valentine’s Day is important.

      But I’m damn sure reminding those we love that we love them through word and deed is critical to making it all work.

      And that’s what Valentine’s Day is. An opportunity to express what we fail to express every day.

      Just how much they’re loved and appreciated.

      Many, many men. Certainly myself, included. Don’t have that flowers-and-balloons moment you just had until it’s way too late.

  34. You’re a great guy!! Is that what it took for something to shine?. . .the light bulb moment?! I mean, you have grown in wisdom apparently-which is what we need to make knowledge work to our advantage as others will be enlightened as we share it and ultimately drawn to us! Wow! Yep, you have! I hope that you will find that love that you desire…of course once the lesson is learned, that will happen for sure. (BUT WE KNOW THAT LIFE IS FULLOF’VEM-lessons!) I don’t think you will have any problems finding a date for the rest of your life! Some of these responses…*ahem* 😉
    Here’s to happy endings (which is turning lemons into lemonade)!

    1. Hi!

      Thank you for your thoughtful and sweet comment. Your faith in my finding-dates abilities is only matched by the reality of my horribleness at doing so. 🙂

      I really appreciate you reading and saying hello. I have grown. And will continue to. Thank you so much.

  35. Loved every word, and the trip down memory lane – back to the classroom, those paper Valentines… The elemtary angst of worrying that I wouldn’t get one… I love the way you crafted this post… I actually said ” awww” out loud at one point. You make me want to be a better wife…Thank you Matt. You are a great Valentine!

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Matt Fray

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