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Dating
The 95 Percent
“Hey, Matt! Why are you always talking about divorce!?!?”
Because next to things like air and food and water, I…
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The Separation Anniversary
She took off her wedding ring one year ago today.
That’s when I learned she did, anyway.
It was Easter…
The Man in the Mirror
I see him every morning when I step out of the shower.
We stare at one another again while I’m…
The One Where Everything’s Different
At 4:37 a.m. Central Time, I turned 35.
I’m completely unfazed. I’m less interested and less affected by the occasion…
The Jesuit Standoff
Pooping embarrasses me more than almost anything.
You might say I suffer from a super-minor form of parcopresis. It’s not…
The Art of Dating Discrimination
I’ve only had three girlfriends ever make it past the get-to-know-you phase.
It’s because both my mom and dad had…
A Girl at a Bar
It was to be a different kind of Valentine’s Day.
I was okay with that.
My five-year-old son had a…
The First Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day in elementary school is when you found out which girls “liked” you and which didn’t.
We all made…
The Three Wishes
Everyone has considered it.
Finding that genie lamp.
Three wishes.
“Only” three. Because we’re greedy and we want more. We…
I Hope There Are Aliens
On an April Fools’ Day long before the one my wife chose to vacate our home, the local newspaper ran…
