Because of work stuff, I can’t write today.
Soon (tomorrow?) I’m going to tell you about the time a clinical psychologist befriended me via this blog and asked me whether I’d ever looked into the possibility of having ADHD.
I scoffed at first. No way! I’m totally normal! Everyone lets their auto insurance lapse and has trouble planning ahead! Everyone sucks at keeping their house clean and forgets things all the time!
And then I read about ADHD. About how it impacts your day-to-day life. What the common traits are of the people (about 5% of the population) affected by it.
I thought ADHD was a bullshit label people used to drug hyper kids. Kind of a fake, made-up thing.
But then I read what undiagnosed ADHD adults experience at home and at work.
Whoa. That’s me.
Then I read some more. That’s me too!
And some more. Goodness.
And even more. HOLY SHIT.
Another Eureka moment.
Why have all of these things happened to me? Why do I do the things I do the way I do? Why can’t I fix this?
Now I think I know why.
And just maybe, this will change everything.
More to come.
Kinda like when I discovered (in 1987) I inherited my mother’s clinical depression. HUGE denial (went on until 1995 when I nearly crashed and burned, the forever kind). Lately I just take the meds and watch out for episode warning signs: appetite, lack of sleep (or too much), social isolation and negative (well, for me OVERLY negative) thoughts. Heck, I could have ADHD, too. But doubtful I’m bipolar (whew). 🙂
All this brain stuff is hereditary, it seems. ADHD is the same way.
I haven’t been formerly diagnosed yet, but I already know it’s true. Every single thing I read about ADHD is totally spot on. Batting 1.000.
It’s hard not to recognize truth when it stares you in the face.
I’m looking forward to writing about this new life subplot that could end up being one of the fundamental reasons EVERYTHING that has ever happened to me, happened.
Fascinating.
well if you fit the profile it doesent mean youre sick ,i think youre normal and you just should be an arist /or maybe someone who wokrs with nature or whatever else but dont go on stupid meds …thats all ican say
I heard it’s 5% of the population BUT 90% of adults and females of all ages are undiagnosed, or misdiagnosed… NYTimes estimates 1/20 people have ADHD…. (:
This has been a major “holy shit, now I finally understand” moment for me. It’s hard to describe.
There are so many new memories to explore now through this prism.
Of course, I have trouble remembering things. 🙂 (<–official smiley direction)
Interesting. I’ve been reading your blog for several weeks because I’m constantly searching for marriage help, and almost commented on a dozen posts. I’ve been married 40 years to my high school sweetie. Six years ago, during another period of end-of-my-rope despair , searching for yet another answer, a book about ADHD and marriage lept from the library shelf into my hands. Baffled, I read the first 15 pages in the parking lot and was engulfed in relief and wracking sobs. My dear guy now accepts he has ALWAYS been trying to cope with ADHD but has not yet realized the effect on our relationship. I suspect it is still too painful. If indeed you are affected by ADHD it can only be a benefit to you to know. The coping mechanisms used by ADHD folks can be more damaging than the symptoms themselves. Good helpful coping skills can,however make a world of difference to you and those who love you. Best wishes
First, I’m so sorry to hear you’re searching for marriage help in Year 40. BUT…….
I’m also THRILLED you’re still looking for marriage help in Year 40. That’s one of the most-beautiful things I’ve ever heard, and a testament, I think, to what real love looks like. Thank you for that.
I intend to spend a lot of time reflecting on my thoughts and behavior, and I’m going to try various treatment paths until I find something that makes sense for me. I’ve heard and read stories both good and bad about experiences with ADHD medication.
My guess is most people (ESPECIALLY those with ADHD) aren’t willing to try new therapies, medicines, doses, and whatever else is required to achieve the correct balance for each individual. My guess is it’s going to be a lot of work unless I get lucky right out of the gate. But I am VERY hopeful that after seeing a doc this week, things start to fall into place.
What if I could pursue everything I dream of while staying out of my own way?
Goodness. I might actually do something for once.
I just checked out the link you mentioned to the Adhd website and saw some of the characteristics and as soon as I saw, “Disorganised” and “Always late” I realised that I am pretty much the polar opposite of Adhd hahah
That, I think, makes you the ideal partner for such a person, Jenny. But only if you could tolerate and empathize with the behavioral patterns. Believe me when I say I understand why you might not.
I am NOT late very often. I’m not sure why that’s not a factor for me. But there are many time-related things that affect me, which is super-consistent with this subject.
I had the same “Eureka” moment when I found out that the weird rituals I do was because I have OCD. And boy, does having OCD suck. Great post, though. I look forward to exploring your blog some more.
I’m glad you get it. I love when people get it.
Thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment. It’s much appreciated.
My dad was diagnosed as an adult with ADD (no H) when he & my mom were in marriage counseling when I was in high school. It was helpful for them to be able to understand some of the behaviors that made their marriage difficult at times. A couple of my siblings were also diagnosed as adults and a couple others (maybe myself included) pretty clearly are but haven’t bothered with a formal diagnosis.
Turns out ADD runs strong in my family…. kinda like The Force. 🙂
Up until my marriage, these things were never a major hurdle. There are things that get in the way of friendship, but I never had any trouble with friends. There are things that get in the way of schoolwork, but I was always naturally gifted enough to skate by with As and Bs without going all in.
So there were no major consequences for me (other than my parents’ frustration) until my marriage.
Now that I’m realizing much of the things that upset her were almost certainly related to this, it’s hard to not feel additional regret about identifying the problem and working to manage it sooner.
Now this is a new thing I’m going to want to write about, because for at least a small group of people, THIS is going to be the reason their relationships are struggling.
Hi. Long time reader – I pop in here occasionally when I need a laugh (in a good way). Keep it up.
I can tell you that I was “re-diagnosed” with ADHD as an adult while going through individual and marital therapy. A total light bulb moment, when it shouldn’t have been – I work in the medical field and I deal with mental health issues as a primary care provider.
It took a while to find a medication that worked well for me after diagnosis. I now follow things to completion, can organize large tasks easily, and don’t feel constantly set back by small interruptions like I always did before. Multitasking, when required, is so much easier for me.
Receiving treatment has changed my life for the better.
I was actually diagnosed as a younger child years ago. I am 31 now. However, the drugs back then had major side effects (headaches, nausea, drowsiness) and I couldn’t tolerate the side effects. I was 6 and still remember how badly I felt taking the medication. However, ADHD drugs have come such a long way. But as I got older, I developed compensatory mechanisms (many, many “work arounds”) and somehow got through school and to a PhD program without pharmacologic treatment.
The issue was reinvestigated after I described many of my frustrations to my therapist, who finally said “I think you have ADHD. I’ve thought it for weeks, and I think your life would be so much better if we addressed it”. ADHD has a strong genetic component. Both my children have ADHD, and have been treated for years before I started treatment. As a parent, it is amazing to see your children go from frustrated and struggling to functioning with ease and really soaring due to receiving proper medical care. I can’t believe I saw something in them that I didn’t see in myself.
For me, it is so nice not to have to give 200% effort to get a task completed that I must do. Now the work gets done, gets done well, and I don’t have to implement the “work around” methods I had developed over the years to help myself cope. Some of them are bad habits I have to break now, because they take more time. A lot of ADHD suffers, as adults, are often labeled as ineffective, sloppy, lazy… it goes on and on. They aren’t. They just aren’t receiving treatment or haven’t developed effective coping skills. Or other adult ADHD suffers are noted to be quick thinkers and good self starters, but then the ideas fizzle out. Or if complicated tasks are started (such as directing a team or beginning a long term project), things can get missed easily. It stinks!
Follow the path and see if this really is ADHD. It is something you are born with and die with. Some of us just end up receiving treatment a little later than others.
Yes. THIS comment. Thank you. Because this is precisely what I mean. I don’t know how I got 36 years into life before realizing this might be a thing, but it is my hope and prayer that if I can find the appropriate treatment, I’ll be in a better position to achieve the many things to which I aspire.
Thank you so much for reading (and finally saying hi!) I appreciate it so much.
THIS (which I intend to write about with frequency moving forward) is the subject about which I hope to find people who understand. Thank you for being one of them.
I got a reply?! Thanks! Glad to help a little if I did.