Before we begin, let’s address three truths everyone should understand:
- No matter your spiritual beliefs, Christianity’s reach and impact has been enormous through the centuries, and likely affects your life in ways you’ve never even considered. While only 33 percent of people globally identify themselves as Christians, the VAST majority of the English-speaking world (the only language in which I write and speak fluently) are Christian. That’s 83 percent of Americans, 76 percent of Europeans, 80 percent of South Africans, and about half of the population of Australia and New Zealand.
- You’re probably going to get married or be involved in a long-term relationship which approximates marriage. Humans crave connection and companionship. In the United States, 95 percent of people 18 and over are either married, formerly married, or planning to marry. That’s 9.5 out of 10, which any statistician will tell you is basically everyone.
- Sex is like, totally a big deal to people. It’s easy to prove. “Sex” and “s e x” are the top two Google searches every day out of the 3.5 BILLION that people type into the world’s top search engine. More than 250 babies are born every minute worldwide. (Sex-ed spoiler alert: Most pregnancies occur from a man and a woman doing the hibbity-dibbity, and most hibbity-dibbity sessions do not result in pregnancy.) Lastly, the pornography industry earns about $100 billion per year globally (if you believe the stats I read on the internet). The Hollywood film industry releases about 600 movies per year, and makes about $10 billion in profit. The porn industry produces 13,000 films per year, and makes about $15 billion in profit, which means the adult film industry makes more money than the NFL, NBA, and Major League Baseball combined.
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I think Christianity might be negatively affecting young men in ways that has produced generations of guys who hide their sexual desires or activities out of shame, which then leads to relationship-destroying trust issues in marriage.
NOTE: I am NOT saying Christianity is bad. So don’t even, please. I’m saying in its current form culturally, modern Christian teachings might be accidentally creating a human condition that I believe fundamentally harms marriages.
And I think this might lead to a wide-range of commonly occuring marriage-killing conditions, including:
- Secret pornography use.
- Sexual anxiety that can adversely affect performance.
- Discomfort discussing sex with their wives, which can prevent intimacy building, and lead to wives questioning their own desirability and self-worth.
- A belief that all sexual thoughts and desires and activities are taboo outside of marriage, which can create a psychological condition where forbidden sex becomes a turn-on in a way “approved” sex with one’s spouse never could. The negative implications of which should be obvious.
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Is porn messing up your relationship?
If so, I made new friends yesterday who I think can help you. They’re a husband-wife team who I hope to do a lot more work with.
- If you’re a man struggling, reach out to this guy who can help you change your life.
- If you’re a woman struggling with feelings of betrayal and mistrust, reach out to this woman who can help you find peace and acquire new tools to help you and your husband move forward.
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Burn in Hell, Sinners
Let’s start at the beginning.
Me and all of my friends were taught growing up that any sexual thought or action we had was sinful (if we weren’t married, and none of us were because we were little kids).
I don’t mean sinful like “That’s naughty!”
I mean sinful like “If you die—which could literally happen any minute—Jesus is going to be so disappointed in you that he might send you to Hell for eternity!”
Have you guys ever spent a couple of hours in a hospital waiting room? Stood in line at the DMV? Got stuck in bumper-to-bumper vehicular traffic when you were in a huge hurry? That’s just hours.
ETERNITY is FOREVER.
No end. Holy crap. Have you ever contemplated eternity before? You probably haven’t, and you shouldn’t, because I’m pretty sure everyone who does has an aneurysm and dies.
Nobody talks about this, but we need to, because it’s a thing that’s destroying people’s marriages, but the root causes (fear, guilt, and shame) are never dealt with in healthy or productive ways.
A HUGE number of young men are growing up with naturally occurring sexual urges, and believing that if they act on them, there’s the chance they will spend FOREVER experiencing the worst-possible pain and suffering imaginable. Perpetual shitty days. Not regular-shitty. Mega-shitty. Forever.
Sexual desires, thoughts, and certainly actions (the ultimate sign of weakness and low self-control when you consider what’s at stake, right?) produce SHAME. Not a little. A lot.
And profound feelings of shame can cause men to do some very funny things, almost all of which can lead to divorces nobody wants.
English-speaking countries, where Christianity is prevalent, has NOT made it safe for ANYONE to discuss the human activity that MOST people think about, and want to do more than anything else (depending on individual circumstances, of course), every day.
I’m 99 percent sure that isn’t Jesus’ fault. I don’t think the New Testament writers ever quoted him saying the things I was taught.
It’s a condition that crept up organically. No one set out to create generations of sexually dysfunctional men and couples. It’s a consequence of teaching billions of people that they’re doomed to an eternity of fiery torment if they have an orgasm before they’re married, or even think about it too much.
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Do Guys, or Their Wives, Understand the Impact of Sexual Shame on Their Marriage?
I grew up like this, and while nobody meant to screw me up, I think that’s what happened anyway.
Sex was forbidden, so maybe I craved it even more than I would have simply because I was a person.
Sex was forbidden, so maybe every time I didn’t succeed at saving myself for marriage, I felt fear that I would be punished for eternity, I felt fear that I contributed to jeopardizing the spiritual health of someone else, I felt ashamed that I wasn’t strong and disciplined enough to do what’s “right” or to be a “good” person, that I’d let down my parents, and the people I used to go to church with, and that I failed to live up to the behavioral standards all the adults around me seemed to demonstrate.
When I get married someday, everything will be okay.
I wouldn’t have to be afraid, or be ashamed. I wouldn’t be “bad” anymore.
But then I got married, but I didn’t feel any different.
I’d already felt guilty thousands of times because of sexual thoughts or activities. I didn’t know how to shut it off.
I didn’t know how to talk about it with my wife. I didn’t want her to know that I was “bad.” That I was “weak.” I didn’t want to poison our marital bed with shame.
I wanted my wife. Lovely woman, she is. But there were so many times I avoided being honest with her about things I thought and felt, either because I was trying to “protect” her from dirty, evil things, or because I was trying to conceal things about me that I was worried she might consider perverse or offensive or otherwise undesirable.
And I’m left with a couple of simple questions:
- Did my fear and shame and embarrassment related to sharing my true thoughts and feelings about sex impact my marriage negatively, and was that a major contributor to my eventual divorce?
- If I never felt fear or shame or embarrassment while discussing sex with my wife, is it possible we could have built intimacy, and created a relationship-strengthening connection in that way?
I believe the answer to both of those questions is: Yes.
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I’m almost 40 and I don’t know things. I just think things.
Today, the only thing I’m sure of is that I don’t know anything for certain.
I know that SOMETHING is true. Something is Absolute Truth. But I also know that I currently don’t know what that Absolute Truth is. Maybe nobody does, even if they believe they do and tell you that they do.
And that’s a scary thing, right? Uncertainty?
Because I used to KNOW things. And there’s comfort in certainty. There’s comfort in a foundational belief system that guides your decision-making and calibrates your moral compass.
I was raised in a small Ohio town, where almost everyone went to church and believed that Jesus wanted you to vote Republican.
We’re not going to debate theology here.
I’m not here to be an advocate for, nor discourage, a faith-based life.
I think Jesus and his core message are all kinds of rad, but I sometimes have doubts about some of the people who claim to follow him.
I don’t claim to know the mysteries of the universe. I’m just pretty sure divorce is bullshit, and messing up all kinds of lives in all kinds of ways.
And sex—or a lack thereof—can be one of the greatest influences on divorce.
And if we continue to heap shame on young men because of their sexual desires in the name of Good and Evil, or Faith and Love; and we never create a safe environment for them to discuss it without being judged, mocked, or rejected, how can we realistically expect the success rate of long-term relationships to improve?
I don’t pretend to know what’s right or wrong.
I don’t pretend to know how to reconcile helping children to not feel fear and shame because of things damn near EVERYONE thinks and feels while trying to impart on them a deeply held spiritual belief.
I don’t pretend to know what God or Yahweh or Jesus or Allah or anyone—all-powerful or otherwise—wants us to actually do, think or feel.
But I do know that if we don’t start having this conversation, nothing is ever going to improve.
So many silent sorrows you’ll never hear from again,
And now that you lost tomorrow, is yesterday still a friend?
All the bridges we built were burned
Not a single lesson was learned
Everything that mattered is just a city of dust covering both of us.
The men who grew up like me may never find the courage to talk to their wives about how it might be negatively affecting their relationship.
And their wives, missing critical pieces of information, may never know WHY something is happening or not happening.
But maybe if he did, and maybe if she did, something amazing would happen.
I don’t know.
I just think.
I nearly destroyed my marriage because I kept secrets about my porn use. And more than that my shame and fear of discussing it with my wife, led to awful damaging conversations for years and years. I was able to get things turned around but I needed help to do it.
I agree with you that this is an issue for some guys and some marriages, not all and every one. Like alcohol some people deal with it well and others burn their house down denying they have an issue.
a very different sort of post for you, but one that is spot on. you could drill down about a million miles further, once you combine faith and the deadly sins into one conversation. there have certainly been millions more deaths caused by faith in god, than those saved. it is a real shame that the literally unbridled power of god cannot be placed in perspective. our religious leaders will simply not permit it. if we could only bring god into the conversation without concluding that no matter what, some religious leaders interpretation is the only one that counts!
Some versions of Christian churches teach “purity culture” ideas that unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) equate sexual attraction of any kind with lust. This causes ALL kind of damage. I agree.
There are other religious groups that also have a similar shame/honor framing that is damaging. (With sometimes different rules and expectations than Christianity).
There are also lots of non religious ways to screw up ideas about sex too as I’m sure you’ll agree as well
To you main point though, it’s the inability to vulnerably talk with your spouse about all this stuff that really causes the damage to the marriage.
Sex is just another symptom of the bigger issue. How can we lower our defenses and trust each other on a deep level? How can we BE a safe place to be able to hear our spouses stuff that can trigger every insecurity we may have?
Without that, the marriage is shallow and lots of hiding will happen to protect ourselves from shame. And that created emotional distance that spreads to other things like dishes.
Beautifully said.
There’s the cliche of the women you marry and then there’s the women you _____.
I’m thinking of Arnold Swarzenegar, Maria Shriver, and the housekeeper.
The housekeeper wasn’t exactly a hottie, but she likely did things with A.S. tha Maria either didn’t want to, or he never talked to her about.
Realistically there are things that partners will not see eye to eye on in the bedroom (or whatever room you like) – that’s a hard one (that’s what she said), because one persons turn on, can be the partners complete turn off.
I would hope there could be some compromise (ing positions). (Ha!ha! I’m just having fun- 🙂 )
…I really think that with some safe exploration the turn offs would be less so. But maybe not. I don’t have an answer for that.
However, I agree that often the issue is a lack of transparency about that part of ourselves. ..and women CAN make that difficult for a man.
Or we forget that sexual connection is important to maintain intimacy (especially when your a tired mom- sorry, no punny innuendo here..) and just put it on the back burner.
So, interesting post.
It is a real issue.
Amen, Matt. Really well done. I’m totally with you on this one. I think “the church,” as a whole has done a really crappy job of teaching healthy human sexuality. In fact, I think its so bad, they’ve actually sabotaged our marriages.
Boys grow up thinking all sex is bad, then they have healthy sexual feelings and it gets mislabled as “lust” which is sin, which is sending you to hell. If I were a guy hearing the message that the only escape from the “sin” of my very design was marriage, I’d grow up to have some deep seated resentment towards women. I call this kind of thing “goddess worship,” because psychologically we are just setting women up as saviors, as redeemers. A woman is supposed to be so pure and virginal that marriage to her will cleanse and cure men of their lust and sin. Marriage and women allegedly transform what is “dirty and sinful” about men into something now, “Holy and sanctioned.” No theology here, I’m just saying that is Jesus’ job. Women just don’t have that kind of power.
Women too are often shamed in the church, blamed for our own sexuality but also men’s, so we tend to learn that all sex is bad and our fault. Then we go into marriage as the gatekeepers, sexually repressed and shut down, prone to withdraw even more when we encounter shame based men who believe we’re going to now mysteriously heal THEM, men who often resent us even more when they realize we can’t.
I’ve never seen any of this rubbish in the bible either, but it sure is a real thing in the churchian world.
Here is another piece of the puzzle.
I read recently that part of the reason that men especially are drawn to porn is because it eliminates the risk of rejection.
With a real person, you have to risk rejection and humiliation. Porn offers a risk free way to mimic intimacy. And adds a 100% guarantee of acceptance. Also as much novelty as you have time and the stomach for.
Let’s be honest, it takes a LOT of courage to expose your most vulnerable desires to your human spouse. Who may very well respond with a rejection. Or even worse be disgusted or laugh at you.
Most of us have some kind of screwed up notions of sex from our childhood and or the general culture. Combine two different people together with different hang ups and it’s unlikely to be naturally easy to be supportive.
Then combine typical different levels of libidos and stress levels over jobs and kid and dishes and rejection and hurt becomes even more likely.
Pretty much anything can be worked through if there is a good connection and emotional safety in the relationship. But sadly in many marriages that is lacking in some way.
So sex becomes another point of disconnection. And porn becomes a way to deal with the disconnection and fear of rejection.
It can be reversed of course. Often restoring the general relationship trust enables more courage to not hide and to respond with courage. Sometimes it is more specific to the sex itself and requires medical help and or a sex therapist to improve.
As an addendum to my rant, although it’s more common in men, porn addiction is increasingly common for women as well.
You would think that sex and sexual needs would be one of the most important topics of conversation prior to marriage. Flat out rejecting your spouse’s sexual needs is a big no-no. I’d like to believe that in a good marriage, the spouses are willing to talk and work through these things together. Also, our culture still entertains the stereotype that it’s the man who initiates sex because men have a higher sex drive. That’s not always true, nor is it healthy for the man to always initiate (and potentially get rejected). If both spouses initiated, or (gasp) the woman initiated more, would our marriages and relationships be in better standing?
Julie
..you have touched on a common sticking point in many relationships. And you did so courageously. Not many people are willing to admit that the strength of feeling wanted and desired goes both ways. Men are expected to hold our emotions and to an extent curb our needs. Discussing your intimate relations with each other to include an individual’s needs is critical to long term relationship success. Thank you for bringing it forth.
Julie,
What is healthy and what is common are two very different things often sadly.
I absolutely agree that people should do intensive premarital counseling including talking about sex. But that is not common.
And also what sexual desires and libido change over time so even if it was discussed it has to be discussed and navigated again as things evolve.
And that assumes that most couples can discuss hard things in productive ways which many can’t. That’s why there are so many “sexless” marriages as a symptom of a the disconnection of a shitty marriage.
Even in a ok marriage sex is full of cultural messages for both men and women as you pointed out. And that creates a lot of vulnerability in changing the expected cultural patterns.
Julie,
You said:
“Flat out rejecting your spouse’s sexual needs is a big no-no.”
I assume that you mean it’s very important to work towards accommodating our spouses needs, sexual and otherwise. Both people caring about each other.
Obviously, it’s critical that no one be forced to have sex. Or that the spouse approaches it with a sense of entitlement either way.
Yes. I don’t think
Right. No one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. But we should all be supportive of each others’ needs in marriage. That’s what makes a relationship successful. I especially liked Matt’s earlier posts where he talked about dismissing his wife’s requests to do things with no effort to work with her. He recognized his folly and worked to improve upon that.
Interesting post – I’m really glad I’m not religious – or married – or have kids…
So I’m free to enjoy Porn and Sex without fearing for my immortal soul *YEY*
Masterpiece of truth. Thank you for setting it out there so clearly and logically. And many of my friends who are trying to live everyday for Jesus will read this and feel some relief to see in black and white something they have been thinking about. A lot. Sitting in their homes in their very dry and dusty marriages.
Important reference…folks generally confuse religion and faith as being one in the same…simply explained Religion ( also referred to as tradition) is man made…Faith (enlightenment) is God given. There is an importance in knowing the difference. Through our lives we are given interpretations notions and falsehoods from church leaders who , for whatever reasons,clam to know the way. Some of these people become cavalier in the view of their own importance and therefore find ways of controlling the “flock” by use of made up stuff seemingly fortified by a broad and vague interpretation of bible verses. The seemingly faithful members of said flock tend to extrapolate the application of these mini prophecies to include carpet bombing their offspring with inflated home versions of the “rules” in hopes of keeping further reigns on any deviation by said offspring thereby keeping their entire prodigy safe from ecumenical damnation . Faith simply put is walking in ,with courage and confidence , the footsteps of Christ or Buddha or whom ever you draw your enlightenment from. I will offer these 2 verses that come to mind. Thessalonians’s 2:13″ For this reason we also constantly thank God that when you received the word of God which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but for what it really is, the word of God, which also performs its work in you who believe.” So believe the word of God and not the word of man.And Mark 7:13 “do not let the traditions handed to you nullify the word of God “. So it’s not what they say you’re supposed to do it’s doing what you know to be true. My little sweetie was raised in a strict Irish-Italian Roman Catholic household by a detached drunken father who was disinterested in his children’s lives ( she had to beg him to walk her down the aisle)and a phyically and emotionally abusive mother ( who took out her frustration with her husband out on the kids) . The guise was the holy way in which they were presented. Fire and brimstone was what could be expected if impure thoughts or actions took place. Premarital sex was akin to the foulest of crimes against humanity and God! We started dating when Anne was 21 and I was 24 legal ages in those days…both had jobs but not enough to move out on our own. We went to church, hung out with really nice people, were respectful responsible law abiding young adults. Anne protected her virtue until our wedding night , her ” number” is 1 ( and I am forever honored by that gift) . While dating she was living at home and was regularly accused of being spoiled by me (didn’t happen scouts honor) and was subjected to underwear checks and other dignity stripping actions by her mother to prove her foul delusions. I ended up standing toe to toe with the dear woman to back her off. I then told her that I indeed had tried my best to loosen those undergarments but to no avail as my sweetie was rock solid, No Go! I ,also raised in a strict Roman Catholic household, on the other hand had a “colorful life to that point…I had a ” number” we discussed all of it prior to the ” I dos”….my past ( to this day 34 years later) has never been an issue between us. There are areas in which we don’t agree relative to OUR intimacy but we do talk about those . We have established not only boundaries and deal breakers but a love language and relationship builders. I too don’t claim to know everything, just what I’ve experienced and what works for us. Any religious suppression in the ways of intimacy between loving partners needs to be reassessed as to its relevance in your life…and look to see who actually made the rules and by what scriptural authority. How ever you perceive God just be confident that the love shown by you to your mate is an extension of God’s love ❤️
Louie,
You said:
“We have established not only boundaries and deal breakers but a love language and relationship builders”
Lovely and inspirational as always to hear about your marriage.
I hope Anne is doing well with her treatment. ❤️
Thank you Lisa…first treatment went better that expected
..second is coming up in August. The aftercare is the challenge. I’m doing what I can to get her mind off the pains and discomfort. Our daughter is getting married in October and I’ve been introducing new and exciting plans for the event that she and I can look forward to and do together. It works sometimes. She’s brave ….and I love her more every day
Glad to hear that the first treatment went well!
It must be hard to see her in pain in the aftercare. You are both brave ❤️
❤
I couldn’t agree more. 90s purity culture pretty much distorted sex, sexuality, and dating for an entire generation. The author of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, Josh Harris, even spoke about how the message in his book got a bit..twisted over the years.
What really bugs me about Christian culture is that nobody talks about sex except with relation to marriage, and even then, it’s just keep the marriage bed pure. Young men and women are shamed into doing or not doing things. People need to make their own decisions about what to do or not to do. If God loves a cheerful giver, then God loves a cheerful obedient Christian. But that obedient Christian doesn’t get to shame everyone else by throwing his purity in everyone’s faces.
To be honest, I’m really sad for the current American church and the men who try to attend. Just go in and look around. Most guys between the ages of 20-45 are either there with their girlfriends or families. But they are not incredibly engaged. I used to try to talk to people before and after church and most people are only there to hang out with their friends. A lot of younger men aren’t in much of a talking mood at all. Most Christian men’s events are scarcely attended. Most couples groups are dominated by the women. I have little idea what most guys are thinking while in church or church events. So much of the church’s teachings have little to do with modern masculinity, even though most of the Old Testament prophets and Jesus were men.
I often wonder, what happened to the men of the Old Testament? They opened the Red Sea, prayed down fire from heaven, slayed giants, fought epic battles, etc. If these men existed today, would they come to any of our churches? Lastly, the words, “personal relationship with Christ” never appears in the Bible. I know most heterosexual men have little interest in having a personal relationship with another man. Seriously, who do we even have “personal relationships” with in real life?
Christianity/religion and purity culture shames everyone, and make everyone unprepared to deal with married life.
Where you have a couple of guys who do, eventually, work up the courage to approach their wife or girlfriend about their desires and thoughts, not unusually she will turn away and say “That was… unexpected… I don’t want to ever hear you talk like that again.”
(Or just meet his approach with a simple “No”).
Hello Kal…it’s been a while . Hope all is well with you and your family
Hello Louie,
Thank you for your kind welcome.
Some things have happened and i’ve had things to care about.
I hope you are doing well on your part.
I spent 15 years and Catholic school and my parents never talked about sex. So, I was completely disillusioned until college. If you have sex, you’ll get pregnant and go to hell. The more partners you have, the less capable you are of achieving intimacy and the more likely your relationship is to fail. Sex leads to STDs, pictures of which they showed in Freshman year Theology class. Any sexual urges are bad and should be suppressed at all costs. The list goes on–I had some pretty messed up thoughts about sex and intimacy thanks to good ol’ Christianity. It took me rejecting the religion of my upbringing to step back and realize what I want for myself: I want to share intimacy with someone I trust, care about, and could envision myself spending my life with. There is no sin in sharing love and intimacy, as long as it is intentional and consensual. I’ve seen many Christians rush into marriage so they can finally have sex, only to realize they’re not sexually compatible with their partner, leading to divorce shortly thereafter. I’m happy that with my boyfriend, I waited until I loved and trusted him, but that I’ve been able to know him on a deeper level and go then go into marriage with open eyes and a full understanding of what each of us can bring to the table. Yes, love is sacred; but sex is not a sin.
I don’t want to believe that Christian living and healthy sex are incompatible, and I’d like to think they’re not.
But taking that out of the equation, I think you captured what I perceive to be a too-common scenario very well.
And when a bunch of people are having kids in shitty marriages with bad sex, and/or sharing their children when their shitty marriages eventually break for good, what was it al for?
No matter how noble the idea, the real-world implications of idealism can turn sour sometimes. Really sour. And I think this subject is one of those things.
Yes, I agree. I agree that Christianity and healthy sex can be fully compatible, but the culture needs to shift to accept that possibility.
Sex can be problematic when you get into consent, porn/addiction, self-esteem, anatomical understanding, etc. Yet, I think most of these would be resolved, or at least simplified, if parents spoke candidly to their kids: You’re going to have sexual urges. Consider the long-term implications of sex with someone you don’t care for taking action. If you dig someone and want to go there, use protection; I’ll buy you condoms or birth control and be here for you to talk to.
I got by alright, but I wish my parents would have opened up that conversation for me. I can only imagine the positive impact of Christian communities all over starting that conversation.
I’m just going to throw this out here, both men and women often have a whole lot of sexual issues and we can blame the church, but we can also blame the secular system and our culture. Myself, I wanted my marriage fairytale, I was claiming it, and a big part of that is healthy and happy sex and romance. I absolutely wholeheartedly believe, “Christianity and healthy sex can be fully compatible.” I am not alone either, many of us are actually living it.
It’s kind of a tragic comedy, but the people who are living it, are usually not writing books or talking about it. So you can get this really skewed perception because often the only voices we ever hear are from those who are struggling. People write about divorce and sexual frustration and abuse and suffering. We don’t often write books like, “My Marriage is Awesome and Sex is Good.” In fact if we even say something like that, a dozen people are likely to come by and yell at you for bragging and making other people feel bad.
There are some things I’d really like to see changed about our culture and the church. Just keep in mind that if you want to see genuine change in your own life, you have to change yourself. Your parents can’t do it, the church can’t do it, schools can’t do it. You have to do it. That’s a tough, tough message in today’s world, but it’s necessary and vital. We have a tendency to want to blame anything and everything for our troubles, EXCEPT ourselves.
Religion has ruined sex. I was raised Catholic. You are not supposed to have sex except for procreation. You are not supposed to enjoy it. It is dirty. It is gross. If you like it, you are bad. This is how I grew up, this is what I lived with. After 23 years of hating sex in my marriage, I was divorced. Sex was not only all the above but it was a chore and boring. I then had a lover that taught me to enjoy sex. I gave up religion YEARS ago but still lived with the guilt about sex. I am over it now. I am 50 and finally enjoy sex. It affects not just men but also us women.
The articles view on Christianity is completely wrong.. The author needs to do some research before he throws out such falsehood… Jesus told us “I’ve come to give you Life , and life more abundantly”.. Jesus died for our sins past present and future… We can’t “out sin” His Grace… The only sin that condemn us to Hell for eternity is rejecting Him, and the sacrifice He made for us.