The Saturday Post

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You're actually not reading this right now. Because it's Saturday.
You’re actually not reading this right now. Because it’s Saturday.

No one reads anything I write on Saturday.

Statistically, about half as much as every other day of the week.

And I understand why.

It’s Saturday and you have lives and family and friends or are scrambling to get everything done you don’t have time to do during the work and school week.

But I have a sickness. And I’ve become addicted to writing and posting daily.

So, I write, even though no one cares.

The Fringe Readers

But maybe there are some of you. Some of you, like me. In life transition. Being a little reclusive. And maybe you do care.

Maybe you do think: What ever could that whiny dude be up to today?

And maybe you peek in. And maybe you’d be sad if there wasn’t something new here.

A wannabe writer can dream.

I looked at some old Saturday posts and the traffic numbers for them.

And it turns out, some of my favorite posts are some of my least-read posts because I chose to publish them on Saturday.

“But Matt! You’re publishing THIS on Saturday! No one’s going to read this either!”

I know! I make bad decisions! It’s liberating! I can sort of do whatever I want! Type whatever I want!

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

And it won’t really matter.

I kind of like it.

Posts I Like That Were Ignored Because of Saturday

Parenting Class

When you get divorced in Ohio, they make you go to a mandatory parenting class. This post has started to pick up some traffic lately because it’s ranking No. 3 on Google for “Karl Malone Divorce Video.” True story.

How to Rescue People with a Keyboard

This is one of my all-time favorites. A man rearranged his day to help a stranger at the expense of his own time and money. And he credits things he read here. That made me feel exceptionally good.

Good Shit

I’m not a genius. But I’m kind of awesome at a handful of things. Want a few tips to make your life better? Sure you do. They live here.

Mr. Balls Proves Anything is Possible

Learn how a huge, hairy, glistening scrotum can create an entire world of possibilities. You won’t need your thinking cap for this one. Just a gargantuan Roman helmet.

The Profanity Dilemma: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

In the most immature and profane way possible, I explore to what extent profanity in my writing benefits or detracts from its quality. You should only read this if you’re not my mom or grandma.

Saturdays Happen

There’s a possibility I will still be alive on Saturdays in the future. In the event I am, I’ll probably want to publish things here.

In the interest of entertaining myself, I may use Saturday posts as my experimental laboratory.

Maybe I’ll draw crude pictures in Microsoft Paint.

Maybe I’ll write terrible poetry.

Maybe I’ll take a crack at writing fiction for the first time in my life.

Or maybe, just maybe, there will come a Saturday where I don’t post at all!

Maybe because I’m day-drinking and having the time of my life.

Maybe because I’m traveling and immersed in excitement and adventure.

Maybe because I’ll find a bedroom partner and refuse to leave that room.


I know.

Unless I croak first… see you next Saturday.

35 thoughts on “The Saturday Post”

    1. This is all just a figment of our imaginations.

      It’s Saturday! You can’t be here.

      And now I’m going to start decorating for Christmas. Because, dammit. Even single guys can do domesticated things. Probably. Maybe. I don’t know.

      1. At least people read your blog the rest of the days of the week. Most of my posts get about 2 views and no comments. So, I don’t feel too bad for you, Mr. Popular! 🙂

        1. Goodness. Okay.

          Perspective gained.

          Also, if you were the only person who ever read this crap, I would still write it.

          I still make delicious food for just me some days. And the food tastes equally good.

          But it’s a hell of a lot more fun when a bunch of others are over eating it too.

          That’s how I feel about this stuff.

          There isn’t a day that goes by anymore where I don’t feel completely honored by the fact that I can write and publish something and have a reliable group of people read it.

          It’s seriously my favorite thing to ever happen to me besides my meaningful human relationships.

  1. I missed your Mr. Balls post because (I guess) you posted on a Saturday, but then again, I just read it on a Saturday too because you mentioned it on this post that you wrote on a Saturday, so who knows? You may want to try posting on a Saturday night and see if there’s any difference in your stats than on a Saturday day.

    1. I’m a pretty big loser sometimes, but even I tend to have a social function of some sort to attend on Saturday night.

      I could schedule posts, maybe.

      I don’t know. It’s the Internet. There’s like, a lot of people who use it.

      I figure however many people are reading is EXACTLY how many people are supposed to be reading and represent the worth of the content. And I’m more than okay with that.

      Appreciate the note, sir. Hope all is well in your world.

  2. I guess the Trick is to teach people to Fish from the Pond, as well as the Stream…
    that feeds it.

    Let me know if/when you learn how to do this.

  3. I know what you mean! Sometimes there’s just stuff ya gotta say that can’t wait to be scheduled until Monday or whatever. Haha, I just posted my thoughts on this Soylent product that I thought was outrageous… And virtually no one’s read it.

    Oh the woes of blogging. Keep it up, man. I love your blog 🙂

    1. Thank you!

      I’m going to read it right now. And hopefully the three other people who will read this post today will check it out too.

      Appreciate you reading and saying hi. Thank you very much.

  4. Not really sure what it says about me that I read the Saturday posts? Regardless, I enjoy them. Keep ’em coming!

  5. I post every day and I read every day. I didn’t even know you could check how much readership you have on a particular day. I think I’m better off not knowing. 🙂

  6. I read you every day! (Although I’m still feeling a little traumatized by Mr, Balls (my eyes….!) I would LIKE to post every day but it’s not realistic. Sometimes I can produce a whole burst of activity and sometimes life happens and I go for days without being able to even think about writing, But like you, I’m doing this for me!

    1. Me again. OK so I’m finally getting around to passing along the highly coveted Leibster Award to my favourite “new blogs” and I’d really like to tag you– I admire the mix of honesty and courage and humour in your writing. You always leave me thinking. So let me know if you’d like to accept (It’s totally optional– I won’t be offended if say no) — you can leave a comment here:
      If you DO accept, don’t forget to grab a copy of the award “badge” from my blog.

  7. Sometimes I don’t get to your Saturday posts until Sunday, but that’s not because I have a life, but because I work 7-7 on Sat and Sunday. But I always, always read them. =)

  8. Lifeais not on a schedule – when we try to force it into a tidy little package it ceases to resemble the organic loveliness of its surprise. We must avoid limiting ourselves with such things as that and allow life to unfold as it may…no matter the day of the week. Write on…someone is always in wait to read 😉

  9. I look forward to your posts everyday. Sometimes I log in just to see if you posted for the day already. I’m not a stalker, I have just learned that I enjoy your blog, which is an escape for me.

  10. Reading blog posts from the writers I enjoy is my ‘newspaper’ moment, I do it everyday. And same as Lisa Brown I read your Saturday on my Sunday, and your Friday on my Saturday etc etc…

  11. Okay so I am reading this on a Sunday so perhaps that puts your statistics a bit off. But if it is any consolation, I have penciled your blog onto my planner for next Saturday, so I can catch up on all the Saturday posts I have missed.

    That should give me enough time to find a gargantuan Roman helmet…

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