Mr. Balls Proves Anything is Possible

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Mr. Balls. An actual, real thing.
Mr. Balls. An actual, real thing.

If anyone ever tells you that you can’t do or be anything you want, you now have irrefutable proof they are wrong.

It’s a message of hope from Brazil.

And because of its existence—its simple purity—I can no longer doubt that ANYTHING is possible.

You want to be president of your country? It’s possible.

You want to move things with your mind? It’s possible.

You want to be a movie star? It’s possible.

In fact, after seeing something so unlikely, so impossible, I’m beginning to think my hopes and dreams are likely to happen.

And now, you can too.

Oi, Senhor Testiculo

Meet Mr. Balls.

His mission: To raise awareness about the dangers of testicular cancer.

His appearance: Tall, dark and handsome. A friendly face. Plump cheeks. Nice dental work. Covered in pubic hair. Clearly doesn’t manscape.

His existence: Improbable. Yet, real.

He’s the mascot for the Associação de Assistência às Pessoas com Câncer in Brazil.

“Both children and adults love taking pictures” with Mr. Balls, the AAPEC website said.

So, to recap: Mr. Balls is a massive, friendly faced, pube-covered, glistening ball sack to whom children are encouraged to nestle up next to for photo ops.

This is real, ladies and gentlemen.

This gargantuan, smiling, two-toothed, Portuguese-speaking scrotum man exists. A marketing team thought it up. Spent money creating it. And now it’s a thing.

Not only is it a thing, it has been so effective in raising awareness for testicular cancer (and for being a huge, noteworthy hairy man bag) that some random guy in Ohio found out about it and is sharing it with even more people.

Mr. Balls is a champion for hope. Hope that we can prevent, treat and perhaps one day cure testicular cancer. And hope that there is no dream too far-fetched to be realized.

Dream Big

One of my friends says this a lot. She has it tattooed on her wrist in her father’s handwriting, because it’s something he always said to her.

Dream. Big.

Nothing can stop you. Nothing.

“Mr. Balls!?!? Are you freaking shitting me right now with this!?!?!” the executive director of the Brazilian non-profit organization MUST have said in Portuguese when first presented with this idea.

But then some earnest little marketing person stood up to her or him, saying: “Yes. Mr. Balls. Because he’s the hero testicular cancer deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

“And so we’ll exploit him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not a hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A massive, hairy ball sack.”

And then the executive director shed a tear.

“My great uncle Gustavo had testicular cancer. And maybe Mr. Balls could have saved him,” she/he said. “Let’s do it.”

And now at public events, parents are snapping photos of their children hugging a walking set of huge, unshaven testicles.

It defies every bit of logic I possess.

It is almost, literally, inexplicable that Mr. Balls walks this Earth.

Yet, he does.

A smiling mascot. That looks like this.

I still can't believe this. If this can be real, then there is truly no stopping me. I can do ANYTHING. And so can you.
I still can’t believe this. If this can be real, then there is truly no stopping me. I can do ANYTHING. And so can you.

Doesn’t this mean anything is possible?

Doesn’t this inspire you and give you endless optimism about life’s possibilities moving forward?

If Mr. Balls can be a thing—a real thing—posing in children’s photos. Doesn’t that mean the sky’s the limit?

That I can make all the money I ever need from writing?

That I can find Mind-Body-Spirit balance once again?

That you can do anything your mind can dream up?

I say yes.

Mr. Balls says yes.

And now it’s time for you to look in the mirror, and say “Yes,” too.

Because I believe in us.

Today, we spell hope: B-A-L-L-S.

19 thoughts on “Mr. Balls Proves Anything is Possible”

  1. So gross… I’ve this before, but only you could write a quite uplifting post about such a ludicrous mascot.

  2. It would be so awesome if here, in New Zealand our breast cancer ribbon could become a pair of breasts or maybe even a nipple. I do love it when people step outside the square to do such different things. And look at the awareness Mr Balls has raised. Awesome!

    1. I’m highly confident you were 100-percent sincere when you typed “And look at the awareness Mr. Balls has raised. Awesome!” But I still laughed out loud anyway.

      This entire thing, effective or otherwise, is totally ridiculous.

      🙂

    1. Mr. Balls! I typed that sing-songy.

      Like, Mister BALLLLLLLLSSSSS!!!!!

      I’m excited about him. He has style. And flair.

  3. Those wacky Brazilians! A healthy scrotum IS a happy scrotum. This reminded me of when we lived in Monterey, CA and attended the annual Squid Festival. There was a giant squid festival mascot walking around that , especially from a distance, resembled a giant penis. I was so impressed I bought the giant squid mascot sweatshirt. Thanks, as always, for the inspiring words. =)

    1. I got a lot of laughs out of finding this thing. Mr. Balls. It’s so funny to me.

      But, I do think I make a legit observation. If this thing can exist and be something children take photos with? Then there’s no stopping any of us.

  4. As a kid, I’d’ve been happy to be photographed with that stubbly weird Mr. Potatohead. As an adult, I’d think back, figure out what it really was and make a therapist appointment to bad mouth my parents. I’m all for Mr. Balls, but only in Brazil.

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