Let’s pretend I possess the world’s largest diamond collection.
Because diamonds have high market value, I would be “worth” a lot of money.
But why are diamonds valuable? They’re stones. Like the ones we skip across ponds or kick to the side of the trail.
Simple supply and demand, which I understood but didn’t actually get in high school economics class.
When many people want something not readily available, prices go up. “Value” goes up. It’s why there are empty seats at every Cleveland Indians regular season game, but you have to pay double or triple for standing-room only tickets for playoff games.
Diamonds are rocks. They’re extremely valuable as precious stones coveted by high-end jewelers and gem collectors. But they’re just rocks.
Just like paper money or treasury bonds or gold coins, diamonds aren’t worth anything during disasters or in a post-apocalyptic society. Diamonds are useful for looking pretty (and cutting things; but mostly just looking pretty).
Water, for example, is a much more useful substance than diamonds. Water provides life-sustaining support to plant and animal life. Our bodies are primarily composed of water. Water is fundamental to Life being a thing.
Without diamonds, everyone just buys ruby and emerald engagement rings.
Without water, everything dies and turns into a Sandbox of Horribleness.
Sometimes called the Diamond-Water Paradox, diamonds and water best demonstrate the contradiction of water having MUCH more usefulness and intrinsic value than diamonds, but most of us dump water out on the ground or down sink drains every day.
And diamonds are among our highest-valued financial possessions.
The Paradox of Value, it’s called.
So, you tell me: What has greater value? Diamonds or water?
Value—What Something is Worth—Is Purely Subjective
In other words, you get to decide.
Listen, water is totally more valuable than diamonds. Right? Right.
But if the Diamond Fairy and Water Fairy both show up at my house offering me a bucket of their finest offerings, I’m telling the Water Fairy to go kick rocks.
If I was dying of thirst in an ocean of desert sand, I’d probably make a different choice.
…
A longtime reader went through a recent break-up, she said in her email. She said it was the second break-up that ended with her walking away and feeling as if the guys weren’t fighting for her or their relationship.
That made her feel shitty.
She said this: “Please just tell me—am I worth something? I’m so lonely and sad. I ask myself, ‘What is wrong with me that I’m not being valued?’ It’s so hard.”
I get it.
I put on a pretty good show because I’m not the crying lame-ass I was four years ago when the sky was falling at home. Because I’m “healed” now, I probably seem less pathetic and “okay” to casual observers.
But when I realized what my wife was choosing over being married to me, and what she was sacrificing as far as her time with her son as part of that choice, I got to feel the full brunt of hardcore human rejection for the first time in life.
It blew ass.
And I’m still…recovering? Coping? Coming to terms with myself?
I don’t know.
I just know that I now understand what it looks and feels like to let other people influence how we feel about ourselves.
If she’s choosing THAT, how much can I really be worth?
Other People Don’t Get to Decide
I had a problem with this idea for most of my life.
And it’s not the first time I’ve written about it.
Because football is wildly popular, nationally televised, and generates billions of dollars in advertising, merchandise and ticket sales; I thought it was reasonable to tell my wife she was wrong when she preferred something else.
If she liked some derpy, cliché-riddled romantic comedy better than some spectacularly awesome movie I liked, I would use some metric to “prove” my favorite was more valuable than hers (if they contradicted each other), like the number of positive movie reviews or a big box-office haul.
Let me be clear—I wasn’t trying to “win.” I was trying to convince her to like all of the same things as me because it was super-inconvenient that we mostly didn’t like the same things, and I wanted to change that without me having to become an accomplished ballroom dancer or snow skier.
It didn’t work.
I’m not sure why, but I think it’s because people like different things, and telling someone their opinions and preferences are “wrong” generally doesn’t make people magically change all of their personal tastes.
But…Why?
The 4 Kinds of Value
There might be more variations. I don’t know.
But I believe it looks like this:
1. Intrinsic Value – the concept of something having worth “in itself” or “in its own right.”
I believe human beings have intrinsic value. When people have intrinsic value, we don’t rape, murder, steal, injure, defraud, defame, or otherwise harm them. As a general rule. So I think it’s a nice belief.
2. Market Value – a constantantly fluctuating metric based primarily on supply and demand.
3. Personal Value to Other People
4. Personal Value to Me
So…
What’s Your Worth?
If you believe what I believe, you have intrinsic value by virtue of being a living, breathing human being.
Your market value depends ENTIRELY on context. If you are the world’s best computer programmer, you’re going to be the coolest and most “valuable” person in the room at your next conference or hackathon, but maybe you suck at other things, like long-distance swim races, or building a deck, or training K-9 unit police dogs.
Your personal value to other people?
I care about what others think of me. More than I should. Even strangers. But when I get really intentional and thoughtful about it, I inevitably come to the conclusion that no one else’s opinions matter.
Some people eat cabbage and sauerkraut and canned spinach on purpose.
Some people think chocolate tastes bad.
Some people think ultra-tight skinny jeans look good on men.
If disagreeing with them is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
I can only conclude: If the concept of VALUE is purely subjective, then only an individual can determine her or his own worth; and others’ opinions (or possibly just what we mistakenly think they are) are unreliable and irrelevant data points in the equation.
…
I know it hurts when you break up.
I know it hurts when people you like don’t seem to like you back.
I know it hurts when people seem to value a relationship less than you.
But I also know that girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, friends, strangers nor anyone nor anything else on earth gets to decide what you’re worth.
What she’s worth.
What he’s worth.
What I’m worth.
You do.
I do.
Diamonds or water?
We decide.
I can’t tell you what to believe. But I can encourage you to decide that you matter, since your opinion is the only one that counts.
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
Gracias, good sir. Hope you’re well.
I am well Matt, and thank you for asking. Happy New Year.
Oh my gosh this is so beautiful. You’re absolutely correct by the way. Only you get to decide what you’re worth.
Thank you.
I think people see and hear this stuff, and they roll their eyes because they don’t want to hear a bunch of crappy, inspirational cliches and platitudes.
But I think there’s value (there’s that word again) in going through the mental exercise.
Water vs. Diamonds
My favorite movie or team or food or album or activity vs. that person’s favorites.
Value is subjective.
And a lot of people hurt themselves (and others) because they don’t value themselves.
A lot of people just feel terrible all the time for the same reason.
I don’t want to invalidate what these people experience. It’s not for me to know or say what’s it’s like to be them.
But many of those people will feel about themselves a certain way because they believe other people don’t like/love/respect/want/care about/etc. them.
We let subjectivity RULE our emotions and lives.
Dangerous thing.
I hope people see it for what it is. That the see themselves for what they are.
Miracles, really.
When your livelihood depends on other people, which to some degree we all rely on other people, then their opinion of you most definitely matters.
To determine your worth as a human being? Or as a business?
Because I’ll only agree with the latter, and strongly disagree with the former.
Both because at the moment what you feel about yourself doesn’t matter if the people around you won’t budge to care enough to show respect.
I used to base my value on how other people thought of me or needed me, or loved me. Specifically my dad, who could barely give me a second thought since the day he found out about me. I’m learning to love myself as child of God, not as a child of my father but its been some rough work. I’ve made a lot of progress in 3 years and this post is a good reminder of how far I’ve come and how far i have to go.
When my marriage started floundering 4 years ago, I was devastated. And I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to show/remind her WHY we were good, and why we should be together. All the positives that came from our marriage and our life together, with an acknowledgement that yes there were negatives, but they were opportunities for improvement – if she would only buy in that she still wanted things, and if only she would try.
It really hurt that she didn’t seem to want it the same way I did. In fact, she didn’t seem to care at all. And further, she stopped caring about me. Love, affection, appreciation, gratitude. All of it just kind of dried up, to be replaced by some form of total apathy.
She just didn’t want us. And that meant she didn’t want me.
That hurt, for a long time.
But eventually my mindset on it changed.
It occurred to me that I shouldn’t have to “prove” things to her, and I shouldn’t have to fight for us by myself. I am who I am. And if after almost 20 years that wasn’t enough for her, and it wasn’t what she wanted, then it never would be. And no amount of convincing on my end would change that.
More importantly, I came to the realization that her no longer wanting me or a life with me wasn’t a reflection on me. It was a reflection on her, and what she wanted and valued in life. Maybe I didn’t met what she wanted and valued anymore, but that didn’t mean I was any less valuable. It didn’t mean I was any “less”. I was still enough, whether she saw it or not.
Realizing that changed everything for me, and allowed me to truly heal.
Amen.
Great post and great comments!
It’s a little bit of a tangent, but I am beginning to see in our marriage that my wife may want me and our marriage just as much as I do, but in ways that are different, and that get expressed differently, that I do.
And this is tricky because if I’m not open to her being a different person who’s valuable *because of* her differences, I would miss that completely.
And even trickier because I’m convinced that my openness to her being her depends on me valuing and accepting myself as myself. Without that, I don’t think I can make room to value and accept another person as different than me.
This is a work in progress…
Jack, I just had needed to say that I absolutely love reading your comments.
Through many comments over the past year +, you really seem to “get it”, and seem to be someone who really wants to do right by your wife and your marriage, and is working on both your marriage and your own outlook to get there.
And I know you’ve gone through some difficult times, where many would have just packed it in. So yeah, you’re an inspiration to me buddy!
*like*
Amazing.
I feel like I had a sort of “break through” this weekend as I realized how much power I was giving away to someone who may or may not really even care.
I just want to encourage you- reader (Whoever you are!) that yes- when we care deeply about people, and depend on them, we are open to being hurt.
People respond to life in so many different ways. As trite as it sounds, it is so true that, that persons decision was about them and their limitations, and not yours.
We get to decide who we are, and what we are worth.
I really believe that is our responsibility, even.
Thoughts and prayers for you! May you look around and see the good outnumber the bad.
Very true. I think many of us also know what it’s like to be the “bad guy” who walks away from a relationship which just isn’t working. There’s no good way to do it, and no matter what you do, the other person will be hurt, and it sucks. It doesn’t automatically mean you’re worthless or unlovable–it just might mean that you’re not compatible with that particular partner. (I do agree that it’s different when kids are involved.)
Don’t you think we let our addiction to being “right” get in the way of not only our own intrinsic worth, but also the worth of the person who is obviously wrong? 🙂
Reblogged this on Nderi Sarah and commented:
Diamonds or water?
My husband and I like different things and it is the norm for us to have differing/conflicting perspectives. Neither of those things bother me. It’s when he doesn’t acknowledge my statements (as if he doesn’t hear me) and goes on to ‘convince’ me of his thoughts/opinions or when he tells me what I feel or think isn’t so…..THAT is when I feel that he is having a conversation with himself and I am invisible. When I feel unheard, unseen and I am told my thoughts and feelings are incorrect or ridiculous….I ask myself, “What am I doing here?” It’s as if I’m not here at all, already. The progression of; the interaction, the feelings, the accompanying thoughts and the automatic belief in those thoughts lead me away from him. And that’s not about him being ‘good enough’ or ‘not good enough’. It’s about what I feel is possible or impossible. What can I do, what can’t I do? And what am I willing to do?
Duuuuuuude this was so well said. So many times people get caught up and blinded in relationships that we do forget our worth. We get so focused and dependent on the love of others that we forget the love we have for ourselves. So we begin to depend on others to name our worth, to set up our value based on time spent. It’s always great to get reminders like these and remember that we set our own value. Good post.
Matt this is beautiful in sentiment and structure. Poignant words for sure. It is a constant struggle to maintain an internal frame of reference because the outside world can be annoyingly persistent in denigrating self esteem. We all need to read things like this. Thanks man… inspiring to see how you’ve risen from the ashes of a failed marriage and rather than becoming the bitter cynic, you are striving to help others as best as you can. Keep going
Thank you. I needed this today. Very eloquent as usual.
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Challenge in my house is my husband’s struggle to value himself. For many reasons that predate me. He loves that I see who he can be and his amazing talents but struggles to deal with my frustrations when he sabotages himself and gives up when the going gets tough. I’m a type A succeeder who supports the family and his lack of valuing of what we need and want from him is a huge barrier to being happy with what we have (an amazing bunch of talented intelligent kind children and economic security and comfort).
He’s always searching for something to make him feel good about himself. Often at our emotional and financial expense. It’s all right here if he could value what we’ve got. It’s a hard gig for a man who struggles to like himself and for a confident successful woman who made herself smaller at home to help him feel bigger. Now that I’m working on kindly digging my heels in it’s a wierd dynamic. Just keep trying I guess.
Very good read
Matt said: “I can only conclude: If the concept of VALUE is purely subjective, then only an individual can determine her or his own worth; and others’ opinions (or possibly just what we mistakenly think they are) are unreliable and irrelevant data points in the equation.”
You lost me here Matt. I think you’re right if you’re talking about your innate worth as a human being. In fact, I’d go so far as to to say each person’s value is literally infinite. There’s never been another like you, and God made you to share His joy for all eternity (though as a Catholic, Matt, I assume you’re aware that virtually all the saints and Doctors of the Church have always taught that the destiny of the great majority of mankind is eternal torment and separation from God…echoing the terrible words of Christ, who said in the Gospels that the vast majority of men are damned)
But your blog isn’t about religion per se, it’s about marriage and relationships. And in that context, I think objective value is a huge factor. For example, take a guy who’s 300 pounds with bad hygiene, socially awkward, lives in mom’s basement smoking weed and playing video games, works a minimum wage job, etc. He can think his value is sky-high all he wants…but can you expect him to have much success in the dating and marriage marketplace? If you had a grown daughter, would you want her to marry him?
What about a woman who sleeps around constantly, has several STD’s, multiple piercings and tattoos, has a strung-out look from the drugs she’s done, is emotionally unbalanced, etc? Would you want your son dating her? Even if she valued herself highly? Wouldn’t you tell your son he could “do better”? Wouldn’t you tell him that this woman is not wife material?
So i submit that most of one’s value as a mate is objective, not subjective. Just as one’s value as an employee is as well. This is often referred to as one’s MMV, or “marriage market value”. There is also SMV, or “sexual market value”, aka “dating market value”. It’s especially important for young people to understand these concepts, and to accept that if they intend to marry well they need to diligently work on raising their MMV to the highest level they can.
I should add this.
It’s also important to know one’s MMV (being honest about it) so that one can realistically aim for an assortive match. And I think that if you’re using a scale of 1 to 10, there’s an overlap of 1 to either side. So if someone is a 6, an assortive match for them would be someone who’s a 5, 6, or 7.
Not recognizing this and/or choosing to ignore it can have disastrous results. For example, I’m thinking of an ex-gf of mine. We dated for 6 months, but when I realized she wanted to marry me I had to break it off. I just didn’t feel the same way towards her. She took it hard at the time, but in later years we kept in touch as platonic friends. I saw what happened subsequently in her life.
Now if you assume a MMV of 1 is totally unsuitable as a wife, 10 is practically perfect wife material, and 5 is average….then I’d rate her as a 4 to possibly a 5. In other words, average to maybe a bit below average. So a male with a MMV of 5 (that is, average at best) should have been her target. However, when she would describe to me her future husband, the way she described him it was clear her hypothetical mate had a MMV of at least 8…maybe even a 9! Which means, a guy virtually every woman wants…and a guy who can have practically any woman, even the highest value. Basically, a rock star.
This was ludicrous. Yet my ex-gf fully expected this, because she perceived her value to be so high. She truly was a special snowflake, in her own mind. She wasn’t about to “settle” for anything less. Of course, she would would never think to wonder why a male 8 or 9 would settle for a 4 or 5 like her! (She’d feel insulted by the very question) But the truth is, he wouldn’t.
You can probably guess what happened. She kept holding out for her 8 or 9, and (shocker!) he never came along. She ended up an old maid. She will never have kids and a family (she’s into her 50’s now)…and she will almost certainly never have a husband either. She lives alone, like a hermit. And will for the rest of her life. And of course, she has become quite bitter over the years about her situation…she can’t understand why God never brought her her ideal husband.
And I think, what a waste! If only she had been honest about her MMV, and “settled” for marrying a man of similar MMV. Picture a guy who looks like George Costanza from “Seinfeld”, works a boring job but makes near the median income, perhaps is divorced, likes to come home from work and eat a home cooked meal, and then sit on the couch with a cold beer and watch “Sports Center”, etc. You get the idea…Mr. Average. Or Joe Sixpack, if you prefer.
He may not have had the looks of a young Brad Pitt or George Clooney…or been dashing and sophisticated like Pierce Brosnan in his prime…but he could have loved her and treated her right. They could live together as man and wife, share each other’s company, share each other’s joy and happiness in life, help each other shoulder life’s sorrows, laugh together and build special memories, etc. Wouldn’t that have been better than what she ended up with? But no, she was more afraid of “settling” than of ending up alone…an old maid. Foolish woman.
One ignores the reality of their MMV at one’s own peril. In the case of my ex, this mistake on her part was devastating. You could even stretch to say doing so basically ruined her life.
As a female I don’t think she is foolish. Being married to George Castanza no matter how ‘fat, unattractive or low value’ a woman is, would be a nightmare. I work with many women who have never been married nor had children and I sure wouldn’t call them ‘foolish’ for not settling for a selfish, lazy, boring George…. I think rather than MMV or whatever you want to view it as we should be thinking of value of humans as they ARE not who they can attract. I am no less valuable because I am single. Granted, recently my old high school boyfriend told me this was because I can ‘afford to hold out’ because I am apparently “high value’. I laughed my head off. I simply don’t care to be involved in being rated as a woman by any man on this planet on how I behave, look, work or think. Men can talk to me until I’m blue in the face about how I should choose a mate etc and I simply have no interest in being on some score board for a bunch of men who simply aren’t that great themselves. I simply don’t care about my MMV and oohhh ahhhh, I don’t feel in peril!!! I bet your friend doesn’t feel like her life is ruined at all – I bet she feels fine and you, as a man who rates womens value on how desirable they are to men is the only one who sees her single ‘predicament as perilous. I think it’s time to move on from the antiquated notion that a womens value is intrinsically and extrinsically hobbled to having a man in her life. That simply isn’t and never has been the case. We are valuable in and of ourselves.
I would never presume to value a mans worth as a human being on whether he had a wife, children or not. It’s high time we stopped doing that to women too. You can try to convince us that we are worthless without a man or we can only hope to ever have a fat, balding loser if we aren’t a super model but those days are gone. I think you will find many many fat unattractive women opting to be single.
As for tattooed druggies with no hope – I think you’ll find that they tend to find each other and leave the rest of us alone. They work on an entirely different plane of existence and gravitate towards each other anyway. Addicts usually don’t hang out with non addicts. That’s my experience anyway – so bringing them into the equation is a pretty mute point, as both female and male criminals tend to be pretty obvious even to unfortunate women who may have a few pounds extra, who you believe are worth no more than attracting an addict because she is overweight……
with time I feel she will be glad she didn’t settle for a George Costanza. He is a FIVE of a man to you?? REally?? So the woman you dated was obese, stupid, a liar, jobless, lived with her parents, had OCD, viewed porn, lied constantly, couldn’t do anything right, had no class, was bald, short sighted, over dramatic and had nothing going for her?? Well if that is a FIVE to you – I guess there is hope for the rest of the male population but frankly as a female george costanza is a zero. A job is a basic requirement to most people and yet you wanted her to settle for a jobless fat dude living with his parents?? Why in the world did you date her if she was so worthless?
Also, if a man is wealthy and my last relationship was a multi millionaire – if he has no class, morals or values then he has no value to me… Objectively or subjectively… These dumb measures that you are wanting to put us all inside of simply don’t work in the real world. Why would I stay with a man who may kill me with violence because he is buying me $1500 pairs of shoes or thousands of dollars worth of jewellery? Do you really think a fat ugly woman would put her physical life in danger from an objective 10/10 because he was objectively the best man? Even though he was emotionally dangerous but he could buy her a yacht? How does that help if she’s got a broken wrist? or is called a whore every second day? My ex husband was punching way above his weight with me and there isn’t a person alive who wouldn’t agree – even when he let his teeth fall out, got fat, bald, became ugly inside and out I loved him until I couldn’t. When it comes to chemistry and attraction there are no rating cards. A fat person doesn’t deserve someone who treats them like shit because they have less objective value. We need to recognise objective measures of human values are meaningless because at the end of the day – they are also the easiest to lose – looks, money, fame, youth – all gone in an instant. You couldn’t pay me ENOUGH money to even shake Hugh Heffners hand – I’d rather George Costanza, lol and he ain’t no prize.
Everybody no matter what they look like or their job etc. deserves to be treated well and with respect. Value as you have put it forward makes a mockery of what real humans should be striving for in regards to humanity, values and morals. Money and looks are meaningless. Money has never bought class.
Bronze,
I truly do not understand what you are saying. I never said she should have married George Costanza. How could she? He is a fictional character, he doesn’t exist.
What I said was a “guy who looks like George Costanza”. In other words, looks like the actor who plays the role. Which is a good example of an “average” man – he’s not overly tall, a bit stocky, losing some hair, wears glasses…but also, he’s not hugely obese, doesn’t have an ugly face, has a nice smile, no glaring birthmarks or deformities, etc. Appearance wise, he is a 5. Meaning, average. If you want to be generous, add two inches in height.
As for qualities other than looks, I described them in my post. The guy I described isn’t overly exciting or dashing, but a down to earth guy who would be a good assortive match for my ex-gf. He would be a good husband for her.
You are wrong when you said that you get my ex doesn’t feel like her life is ruined. On the contrary. As it has become more and more difficult to continue to deny to herself that she will be alone the rest of her life…she has spiraled down into a dark place of despair and depression. So much so that she lost her job, partly as a result.
She has begun living in a world of delusion (perhaps living alone like a hermit for 25+ years has something to do with that). And this has gotten so bad, that I finally cut off contact with her. I just couldn’t listen to her delusions anymore and I honestly feel that she is headed for a mental breakdown.
Still think she’s better off than had she married a 5 (which is her assortive match anyway)? At any rate, she is definitely a cautionary tale.
Read Lori Gottleib’s book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” for lots more good stuff on this very interesting topic.
Also, you are not understanding that MMV (marriage market value) INCLUDES the qualities that are separate from looks that determine if you will be a good spouse. That’s why its MARRIAGE market value, get it? If you are only interested in casual dating, then you only care about the person’s SMV (sexual market value), not their MMV.
Looks are PART of MMV (and more so for a woman’s MMV, just as earning power is a bigger part of a man’s MMV) but not the only component. Some parts of MMV can be viewed as subjective, as different people have different tastes and priorities. But as a general rule, it is surprisingly objective. Being well-spoken, socially adept, a good earner, tall and fit, full head of hair, masculine, etc….will nearly always be strong positives to a man’s MMV. Just as the corresponding qualities will be positive to a woman’s MMV – attractive and pretty, sweet, soft-spoken, loving and nuturing, good domestic skills, feminine, acts and speaks like a lady, good with kids, etc.
You may not literally assign a person an MMV numerical score, but you (like everyone else) will evaluate a potential spouse in these same terms. Is he attractive, sexy, and “easy on the eyes”? Does he have the ability to be a good provider? Is he a good leader? Will he be a good father? Etc and etc. So you are indeed “rating” the person – you are rating his suitability as a spouse. So if you object to a scoring system of 1 to 10 as regards MMV, at this point you are just arguing a matter of semantics.
The bottom line is that a single woman seeking marriage who is a 5..,should focus on men who are of similar MMV. Meaning around a 4 to a mid 6. Or she should make a attempt to raise her MMV, so that high 6’s and 7’s become an assortive match for her.
If she fails to heed this advice, she risks experiencing the fate of my ex-gf. Trust me, you don’t want to see that…I hate to see anyone so bitter, depressed, and sad as she ended up. It’s not worth it. And this is the whole point of Lori Gottleib’s book (which she also learned through long, hard experience) – Miss Average should “settle” for marrying Mr. Average. (I put settle in quotes, because of course he would also be “settling” for her)
Good post! I totally agree something will worth for you as much as you’ll value it.
Reblogged this on Site Title and commented:
I love this post and it goes perfect with the theme/plot I am writing about.
I’m going through this struggle and I don’t think I am worth anything to anyone except maybe my sons …. Thanks for the blog
Not even your sons get to determine your value. Just like negligent parents don’t get to determine the worth of their neglected children.
You’re valuable because you’re you.
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I think I can understand that.
I think we feel shitty sometimes because adulthood is hard. It’s hard to feel shitty AND valuable at the same time.
But they’re two different things.
You’re worth a ton. Whether other people treat you differently is a reflection on their dark, diseased souls, and nothing more. 😉
It’s hard to remember when the people we want to make us feel valued, don’t. Really hard. And I’m sorry if that’s happening.
You get to be valuable and important anyway.
You get to matter and significantly influence and impact the people and world around you even if you’re not realizing it’s happening.
You matter, no matter how you feel.
I hope one day, those who love you will behave in ways that help you to recognize and feel how much they value you.
We take for granted the people closest to us. All humans do. Right up until we are about to lose one, or actually do.
Maybe someday we’ll figure out how to not do that.
Cheers, you.
Thanks! I really needed that!
Something that really helped me is simply faith. I don’t care what the world says, Jesus Christ thought I was to die for. A million times a day He shows me I am greatly loved and treasured.
Also because I am shallow, superficial, and vain,as long as I can still turn a few heads, even if it’s just in the nursing home, I’m happy 🙂
Love your way of thinking!
Ya know…I’m 58…I’m healthy…but I know that in less than a heartbeat it could all end. I don’t want to sound maudlin, but my litmus test has become: how would I feel about my life if I were lying somewhere dying? What would my regrets be? That I didn’t make enough money, have enough stuff, impress enough people? Or would it be that I hadn’t given my heart and opened my heart to receive love, really known what those meant, walked on that path for real?
What is your litmus test?
That is EXACTLY how I think about my life. How am I going to feel about this on my death bed? Did I love enough, connect enough, give enough? Are the people I care about here and do they love me? Have I shown them that I love them enough? That is the exact litmus test I use for my life and it makes so much other stuff seem damn unimportant and very easy to ignore. When pride and ego are gone and all you care about is how you will be loved and remembered and how you loved and cared in return there is a lot of stuff that others are caught up in that simply doesn’t seem to matter. I’ve never met a man say what you have said before. EVER. Or at least I have never met one who lived that way. Keep on keeping on, dude….. : )
I find it hard to find value in myself often. I’ve been abused and cheated on and that leaves a mark, but I know that this is something I need to work on and define for myself. I am worth something. God would not have me here on this earth if I wasn’t, right?
I’m no expert. I just think about this stuff often.
I think there is an important thing to remember:
You matter, regardless of what anyone else says, thinks or does to suggest otherwise, including yourself. You matter because you’re a person.
You don’t have to value yourself to actually BE valuable. You just are.
But when you treat yourself like you are, I think that’s when all the really good things start happening, like never putting ourselves in position to be mistreated or disrespected by others.
2.
https://goo.gl/images/N1tfGg
very very interesting! check out also my last post about motivation;)
Thank you for the beautiful analogies. This was just the thing to bring me back to what I know of self worth and the value of all people. Hard times suck and its wonderful to read your light at the end of the tunnel
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