Now that I no longer have an active Match.com account, women are emailing and “winking” at me, left and right.
It’s total bullshit.
The decision to discontinue online dating was a thoughtful and deliberate one.
First, I considered my options and was leaning toward re-upping my membership for another three months.
Then, I thought: Screw it. And decided to move forward with just Two Poles in the Pond.
Match to Customer: We’ll Be Watching You
I canceled my membership. And I unsubscribed from Match’s email list.
I work in email marketing. When someone unsubscribes, you’re supposed to take them off your send list.
Those cocks at Match are geniuses, though. They have, like, 14 different lists. Oh, you unsubscribed from one of our lists? Don’t worry! We’ll still send you dozens of DIFFERENT kinds of emails!
For three months, they let my profile ride. The results were poor. It made me sad to realize just how undateable I was online.
I always imagine two single girlfriends checking out different guys’ online dating profiles together.
Ewwwwww! Look at this one! He’s got a kid and he’s only 5’9”. Lets masturbate and then make fun of this guy some more!
<10 minutes later>
This stupid guy, again! How much do you want to bet his wife left him for a tall, rich guy? I bet he doesn’t even have couches in his living room! Bwahahaha!
This blog got its name because of the tendency of every woman on the planet to prefer men who are at least 6’0” tall.
They don’t care about personality. Or intelligence. Or employment status.
They don’t care about kindness. Or sense of humor. Or anything like that.
Just be six-feet tall and maybe have a bunch of tattoos! And for the love of God, don’t have any children.
Must. Be. This. Tall. To. Ride.
Eat shit, Match.
My Online Dating Experience
I had an active Match account for three months.
If I logged in at all, this is how each experience went down:
- Did anyone email me? Nope.
- Did anyone wink at me? Oooh! One. Cool. Let’s check her out! Let’s see, she has three kids, four dogs, weighs 40 pounds more than I do, has a glass eye and spelled 67 percent of all her words correctly. Oh, she’s not fat! She’s just pregnant again! Good God.
- Maybe I’ll peruse some profiles and reach out to them! This one’s pretty! Cool, she’s only 5’2”! Prefers men who are: 6’2” or taller. Fuck! Oh look, this one’s outstanding, and she lives close! Prefers men who earn: $150,000+ annually. Fuck! Oh look, this girl’s fantastic. Prefers men who: Worship Satan and have a clubfoot fetish. Fuck!
Almost no one wrote. Almost no one winked at me. Almost no one would return an email I’d send them.
This is the kind of rejection I could have done without every single night alone in my bed while another man stuck his penis in my wife.
Match to Customer: You Can Check Out Anytime You Like, But You Can Never Leave
Fine. I don’t need this shit! Piss off, Match! I’ll meet someone the old-fashioned way when I’m good and ready!
Boom. Done. Canceled.
If you’re a guy under six feet who has cancelled a Match account before, I bet you know what happens next!
I get INUNDATED with emails from Match telling me every time someone sends me an email or a wink.
It happens all the time! Right now, I have a big pile of winks and messages from mystery women floating out there in Matchland.
It’s a communist plot to get me to renew my membership. I know it. Match has a bunch of chicks they pay $4 an hour to write notes to and wink at all the guys who try to walk away.
And every other day, we get these little notifications.
“Hey Customer! All these girls are TOTALLY interested in you! They love that you’re 5’9”! They love that you have a kid! They are DYING to come to your house and camp out on your living room floor and give you back massages and run their fingers through your hair! Don’t give up! You’re really not a loser! And for a limited-time, you can find out we’re not lying to you for just $19.95 for three months!”
There will probably come a day where these tempting emails will get the best of me.
“Dear Matt, you have 26 unread emails in your inbox! Sign up now to see who’s interested in you!”
And I’ll break down and give them some more money.
Most of the girls will be felons, or have a dozen children, or live in other states, or have clubfoot, or try to convert me to Satanism.
But there will be one, I bet. One who’s an absolute angel.
My heart will pitter-patter. And I’ll respond.
“Hey! I’m really sorry. I had to quit online dating for a while because Match is soulless and evil. I’m really flattered by your note. That’s cool that we live so close to one another and enjoy all of the same things. If and when you feel like it, please write back, let me know whether you’re still single and whether you’re still interested. I’d love to talk you. Please take care in the meantime!” I’ll write.
Two days later, she’ll respond.
“Hey. Thank you for writing back. That was so nice of you. I’m really sorry to tell you this, but I’m dating someone now.
“And the truth is, I didn’t see before that you were a father. I hope this doesn’t sound mean, but I just don’t date guys with kids.
“Oh, wait! You’re only 5’9”?!?! Bwahahahahaha!!!”
I hate you, Match.
One day there will be a girl like me who sees the fact that you have a child as a plus. I can’t have kids and see the fact that my love has a child as a wonderful bonus.
And I did match too. Same results. They suck
Thank you!
This boy is a gift. I make the joke that he’s a “hindrance” to dating. But I would gladly choose singleness and life-long celibacy on his behalf. Here’s to hoping I won’t have to!
Matt, I’m in the same boat as you. I have a beautiful daughter (my gift from my divorce), and like you, I would choose singleness too. Match (and many of the other dating sites) does suck, royally!
I really like the old-fashioned way. It’s much more gratifying, and just feels better to me.
Your blog is so funny, and though im a girl, I totally relate 🙂
H
Thank you for checking it out!
For what it’s worth, I had ZERO luck on match, myself. The only guys who e-mailed me were psycho and they’d send multiple messages, wink, favorite me, and like my pictures until I got so uncomfortable that I had to block them. Match really was awful. I know people that had so much luck on it!
And also, the fact of the matter is some people just don’t do children. They probably are sure that they’re too immature to date a guy with kids and that works in your favor because you need someone who eventually could be a good role model for your son. I know a girl who has a two year old, right? She’s dating this guy who literally argues with the two year old when she eats his cereal. I. Just. Can’t.
I’m sorry I didn’t respond to this earlier…
I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about this, but I’m sure I will more and more moving forward.
Gut reaction to single parents dating?
1. In the early part of the get-to-know-you process, children should not be involved whatsoever. Theoretically, two people should REALLY know they want to pursue a serious relationship before introducing children to the other person in any meaningful way. So, if one member of the tandem had a kid and the other didn’t, the non-parent would decide LONG before meeting the child how serious he or she was taking the relationship and to what extent having a child around 50 percent of the time would affect that.
2. It would take an enormous amount of sacrifice to love a non-biological child as your own. I grew up with stepparents. Both my stepdad and stepmom are wonderful, amazing people. So, I’ve seen the blueprint for this working successfully. That said, I very much respect the idea that not everyone–especially someone in her early 20s!–would want to help raise a child.
Complicated stuff. Things I will look forward to writing about when the opportunities present themselves.
Thank you, as always, for reading and writing.
Honestly, you’re SO right. It’s crazy that so many people are so quick to introduce their children to the people their dating. It’s nuts. As if subjecting your child to that would do any good, especially if they’re not around for long. My sister did that with her last boyfriend. I hated it. Luckily my niece was small enough that she won’t even remember him. And you’re right. It is a HUGE sacrifice to love someone else’s child, but it takes a special person. A special loving person-which is exactly what your little family needs. So when you do find that person, it’ll be like hitting the jackpot.
Match is HORRIBLE!! Only OLD dudes messaged me on there… and look at me, I’m totally charming hahahaha…
Match sucks… and not in a good way.
Do not judge your dating potential by Match… trust me, it is flawed…
Like, Herbert-the-Pervert old? Or just, 42-and-graying old?
Herbert the Pervert, like my grandpa… it was awful…
Sounds like a rad time! Just a bunch of Ben Gay-scented flaccid penis and Werther’s Originals!
Woot!
Yea… I’m gonna have to pass up on that…
hey
Reblogged this on Match dot… come on already! and commented:
After my post yesterday, this is a great follow up showing how different online dating experiences can be for different people. Great read–check it out!
I met my husband online dating, 11 years ago, but it wasn’t easy or quick. I went out with 17 guys in a year’s time before I met him, and I’m not sure how many guys I chatted with, but never actually met, during that year. I thought I didn’t have a lot to attract a man with, so I needed to make sure I was talking with as many guys as I possibly could. I honestly think your neighbor has the right idea, with the “3 poles in the pond”. Even though it sucks to pull up that reel and find it empty, or have to toss back whatever is on it, if you want a fish, you have to keep trying.
Rejection sucks, don’t get me wrong, I cried myself to sleep many times during the first few months. But I was lonely, and knew that I couldn’t give up, and my work schedule prohibited much socialization in other ways, so this was it. I threw myself in, it was all or nothing. Every guy whose profile looked the slightest bit interesting got a flirt from me. There were a LOT of guys who just wanted to hook up. There were a lot who simply glanced at my profile and said, “No thanks.” I even had several a-holes mess with me (pretend to be interested and then tell me what a joke I was), but I didn’t let them get under my skin. There were a few guys who thought I was cute, funny and sweet, and wanted to meet me. I knew the right person was out there, I just had to work a little harder to find him. My now husband sent me a message exactly 11 months after I started online dating. If I had given up during those first few months when it was really hard, depressing and painful, I would’ve never gotten his message. (He was one of only a dozen guys who contacted me first. My experience with those guys was MUCH different (better) than with the ones I pursued. Just an interesting side-note… I do believe that both men and women feel more confident when the man is the initiator.)
You don’t deserve to have to go through all that to find someone to share your life with. Neither did I. But this is the world we live in, today. I hope this was helpful, and not antagonizing…
Your response was thoughtful, relevant and encouraging.
I appreciate it very much.
I’m not altogether ruling out the possibility of revisiting online dating one day. But in the meantime, I’m going to just try the old-fashioned way.
I really think it’s important for me to get out and do things. To not stay cooped up at home. Wanting to meet new people will be a strong motivator to get out of the house.
Congratulations on 11 years! That is a nice success story.
Bro, I don’t know about your whole theory….I am 6’1 and still cant find a decent girl. I am thinking of joining this website…what do you think? http://www.howaboutwe.com/
Oh and your whole Match.com experience….ditto.
Yeah, but NYC chicks are ruthless! I’m striking out with Midwestern girls!
I’m half kidding. This story actually does make me feel better. It’s always nice to learn it’s not just you.
Thanks for the pick-me-up! And good luck!
NYC girls are sharp….so sharp they cut you jajajaja.
i don’t think i need luck…more like a miracle buddy. I am seriously by now.
Just checked out the How About We app. Very slick app. Interesting concept. Maybe I’ll give it a ride.
Wait for it…
That’s what she said.
LOVED this! I’m to wary of the ‘on-line’ thing anymore (but will say, I’ve no problem with less than 6’… must be taller than 4 however 🙂 )
I’m tall enough! Woot.
Thank you for reading!
🙂
Thanks for the ‘follow’ btw… so glad to meet you!
I also had similarly terrible experiences on Match. I’m on two different free sites…. In 2 months I’ve been out with one guy. Three times. And he’s probably a player. But I’m out there trying instead of staying home bitter.
Also, I tried pre-dating last week, and it was really fun. There were attractive, professional people there. I was shocked. I was really just going for the stories. I will definitely do it again.
I’m not familiar with pre-dating.
But I’m always up for something that will generate a good story!
Thank you for reading and writing!
Here you go my friend: http://www.pre-dating.com/ohio-speed-dating-singles-events/
Rad. Thank you.
Maybe I’ll see you there! #1outof3 #awkward
🙂
Only if you plan on driving for hours to get there. 🙂
Noted!
The next one is mid-October. I will keep this in mind, assuming I can find someone to come along. Thank you for the heads up.
I went alone, as did 99% of the others.
Just saying, I can understand why you’d want to bring a friend, but it’s really not needed.
If you do go please tell us about it!!
hahaha! i laughed out loud for the entire reading of this! i am NOT laughing at you just how you explained it. my friend tried match as well and got a bunch of pervy old man or unemployed guys with big guts (her words). She stopped after her free trial, and now she is back with the guy she was with originally.
That’s it!
I should start trying to date pervy old men and unemployed guys with big guts!
Match truly blows. I was on it for six months and I had no action whatsoever. The only interest I had was from old dudes. I don’t know anyone who has had luck with it.
I don’t mean to celebrate others’ failures, but it really is nice to learn that I’m not the only one.
Thank you for writing!
As you know, I’m one of those girls that likes the six footers but it’s a preference, not a requirement. Maybe I’m naive, but I think if you’re serious about finding someone you’ll look for more than just height, but their joys, passions, etc. For example, a big turn off is if I’m looking at a profile and it’s barely filled in.
I think the first time around with online dating is the worst, it’s like a terrible game you have to figure out how to play in order to get any results. Obviously do what feels right but don’t give up, you and Owen deserve someone great!
Everyone can be a bit shallow at times, but not everyone is ALWAYS shallow.
Thank you.
I don’t mean to suggest that my writing is dishonest. I try hard to be forthcoming and transparent. But I do exaggerate sometimes. For effect.
I promise that I’m not overly cynical. And I promise that I believe I’m going to be with someone amazing some day.
In fact, meeting her, whoever she is, and wherever she is, might be the thing I’m most looking forward to.
Online dating may be on the table again in the future! And hopefully, I’ll be a lot better at it.
Appreciate your thoughtful comment very much.
I had the same experience on Match. I would close my account only to get messages saying men were trying to contact me. I would rejoin only to see that, no, actually that was not the case. I rarely got responses to my messages, winks are stupid and no one ever really backs them up. Don’t fall for it…I’m still trying to recoup my losses. I had to clock them from my email but still I get the messages about Meet Ups or Events. Ugh…leave me alone Match.
You’re the Girl Me!! Only cooler!!
Thank you for reading!
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Must say I have to agree. Match is a horrible dating site. Let’s see, met a very hostile angry man who informed me that my choices were limited and I wasn’t getting any younger, one who verbally assaulted me after meeting for a drink and declining to go home with him, one in serious long term relationship and another that was married. Sometimes I think I could write a book on my disastrous attempts at online dating. Here’s to hating the trash match.
Cry me a river. At 6′ 3″ and no kids with a medium build, the sun isn’t brighter and the grass isn’t greener. It’s not your fault nor mine and it really isn’t anything Match does intentionally. By being what it is, on line shopping for a girlfriend, the only real filter is the price. Anyone with a spare $30 or so per month, can do, act, say, anything or whatever they want. They can even be a dude posting a bunch of pics of a woman just because that’s what their $30 went to that month. We will all find the one, I hope. On a side note, I love the line related to “I don’t like the bar scene”. Yet almost all have a pic of them partying it up have a good time at, a Bar!
Ha.
Yes. I left Match in the rearview many months ago now. It was a great decision. My life is infinitely better.
Appreciate you taking the time to write this note.
I may start my own blog. It’s good to vent.
It most certainly is.
dude ok can i just say im shocked at how exact our case’s are , i came across this article simply cuz i googled “why is match.com not working” cuz i got to a point i just didnt understand !! and just like u , before i actually paid for the account i had winks , likes , views i mean it was nuts i seriously think i had 200 some views before i bought it, I was like dam ok now im really curious i mean come on theres gotta be atleast 5 good ones right ? well i joined and guess what …. absolute silence. Ill never forget my first night i scanned the shit outta my results , its seriously almost embarrassing to say but i did i search with a 100 mile radius , that was over 2000 girls …. i looked at all of them. out of 2000 women 20-30 were the ones id be remotely interested in based off initial attraction then if i got to chat with them id be able to decide whos just a pretty face or a bitch. Well turns out i didnt even get that chance. I emailed all 30 girls , how many responded ? … 2 lol swear to god , and of course the one was the lamest convo and ended after 2 replys and the other the girl seemed nice until i got her to text with me and of course just like fucking 90% of these girls on dating sites use manipulative pictures ( i had a pof account and got catfished 2 times aka the girl was no jk 30lbs bigger in real and looked different wtf ? seriously gee thanks for the surprise now u think im gonna want to date u ? great strategy ladies ) after that happening to me i always ask to see more photos , im not even a creep about either , to make it fair ill seriously send like 10 more photos of myself but when a girl sends u pictures and its either just her face every time or are grainy , dark etc….. i mean ive seen it all , im these girls get creative but anyways yeah steer clear . but that sums up the ONE girl i actually talked to out of 2000. But where it gets really strange is , i was favorited by like 10 girls and had about 10 winks as well. Well there was like 2 girls that were cute that favorited me so i emailed them as well… NO RESPONSE wtf ? im thinking you fav’ed me and i put myself out there email you and u dont even respond ? dont fucking fav me then , but these “Fav’ed” that i had all occured prior to me buying the account, Swear on everything since buying the account i had been favorited my one girl who happend to be 19 ( im 27 ) and not the best looking 19y old either LOL . now im questioning match.com did i just become just another guy who now looking like an asshole cuz curiosity got the best of me ? did i just get exploited cuz im lonely and im having a harder time meeting women due to my age ? Somethings not adding up here … plus all i ever here people bitch about match.com is there auto renewal where of course they charge you when you forgot about it 9 months later. And its funny cuz i was reading a blog about this and of course some asshole chimes in and says ” why dont you guys read the contract its right there in bold ” yeah ok u smuck we get it ORRRRRRRR how about this mind fuck WHY DOSENT MATCH.COM JUST BE A HONEST COMPANY AND REMOVE AUTO RENEW, AUTO RENEW IS NOTHING BUT A BUSINESS TATIC, THEY ARE COUNTING ON YOU NOT REMEMBERING ! im sorry but when million dollar companys do shit like this it piss’s me off . they arent struggling they just found a legal loop whole to DOUBLE there profits ! america has really gone to shit but ill save that for another day dont get me started on that. But anyways i really think match.com was behind all those winks , fav’s n views, it just dosent add up . Plus im not a ugly guy , im just ur everyday average guy. Ive never had a hard time with women , match.com was my way of trying something different to meet new people and give me more options.
ok this is where it gets even more confusing to me , i just happened to read the comments on here … oddly enough most of them are female !!! and are bitching about players and old creepy men !!!! So only to further my point EXACTLY , and ive heard 100 times before there are tons of creeps and old pervs on there , SOOOOOOOO dont u think that would only better my chances ? a girl who gets bombed by 20 messages by men twice her age and then i come along and say ” hi im jay , you seem like a cool girl ” and get ignored ? call me crazy but id think a girl would be relieved to see my email. Either girls are just so overwhelmed by creep they just dont try anymore orrrrrr they are going for the guy with the shirtless pics, model looks …… only to get boned and he moves on to the next.
oh and one more thing… this is the first time i ever posted in response to a blog since the internet was invented
I think they purposely block someone who would be a perfect match for youI mean according to the f****** 2000 questions they ask you aren’t they supposed to match you up with someone that is supposed to be perfect for you I didn’t know that you had to swim through a jungle a f****** wackos
My best friend was trying to tell me this was the perfect way to find a husband that I needed a husband she’s on the computer messing around trying to ask me my email address we ended up getting into a big argumentI told her that I would never ever date anybody that would go on a dating website its just not how I roll. I mean I don’t even use the word date t that sounds like some hooker shit hahaha
lol just dig even deeper , but just to give u an idea here are my EXACT statistics , mind u ive had this account for about 4 months so far …. total views 316 , Fav’d me 5 , Photo likes 20 , 4 winks received . Now for my activity …. total views 1066, I Fav’d 62, Photo likes 44, Winks sent 2, . Grand Results only 30 % even bothered to look at my profile , Less then 5% have responded to an email.
The ” daily match’s ”
Who is interested in me 7
Who im interested in 48
My maybes 21
Ands thats a Big 0 % for the daily match’s , ive never had a mutual match
and thats not even saying my 48 are even a solid interest of mine , i began to get desperate just to see if anyone would ever even respond lol so sad dude
ok yes its me again , just when things couldnt get even crazier your not going to believe this ….. i sent a bunch of messages out , all ignored of course , so then i said to myself screw this i want to know why ! why why why , so i sent a follow up message simply asking to only try improve what im doing, this is what i sent ……
“ok so i was wondering if you could help me out , now im not picking on you but you just happened to ignore me at the right time , cuz i really dont understand whats going on and i seriously think match.com is like messing with me lol , i get it if u werent into me cool i understand , i get emails to that i kinda ignore so i get it ! buttt im curious tho what was it about me or my profile or whatever it may be that made u decide to not even respond ? u can be as brutal as u want actually id prefer it
One girl just replied back with the following …..
Hey.. I’m really sorry, I’m an asshole. It’s completely not you, you seem really sweet. I have this thing with height. It’s completely ridiculous, and I’m aware, but I’m really into guys that are much taller than me?. It’s completely weird. You seem great, and I’m an asshole.
now my first instinct was ok well maybe she is close to my height given the fact im not very tall im 5′ 8 , so i looked at her profile real quick to see and shes FREAKING 5′ 3 LOLOLOL are u kidding me , i seriously hate girls
Dude, if you spell like that to her, I’d just blame your height as well.
9 months on match, over 5000 profile views… 900 messages written, attended the events, and if you saw my profile you would be completely blown away, I’m THAT kind of incredible.
A few short texts of 10 words or less telling me “you’re amazing” almost daily. 5 dates, and I’m not being picky, if they want to meet then I WILL SHOW up and this is even with people I wasn’t very into, but was will to give them a chance face to face.
All I’ve got out of it is friends on Facebook, and not much else. I’m literally a rock star and am totally blow off so my advice to anyone reading this… DO NOT join match!!
The “men” are beyond average and the women are timid and looking for the ridiculous.
One thing I do notice about match and why there are women on there:
I gathered a couple dozen favorites and noticed that most all of these women are “bros”. It’s all the same damn thing!
“I like to drink. I like my family and friends. I like hanging out at neighborhood bar XYZ. I love my career. I vacation every other month and I have another vacation to XYZ planned. I like going out or staying in. I want a guy who can carry bags of mulch for me. I have two dogs–let’s sit around and watch them!”
These are otherwise relatively adorable looking women who give me not a damn reason to think they’d be good wife material! I think out of the random favorites I picked, one gal mentioned cooking or anything remotely resembling being worthy of a family woman–though, I think her google image showed she was on a sugardaddy site wanting help to pay for school. Oh well.
Here are some blurbs:
“I consider myself an extremely blessed person to have incredible friends in my life and a career I enjoy. I love to travel and take vacations at least a couple of times a year. I like to go out on the town but am just as happy staying in with a pizza and a good movie. When I do go out, I prefer more laid back places to places with flashing lights and techno music. Two of my favorite things are live music and summer time out on the water. I grew up near the water so whether its wakeboarding on a local lake or relaxing on a beach in Mexico, I am always game.”
“I would like to meet someone who is into all the fun things that everyone is supposed to say on these things. I like puppies kittens and walks on the beach… I exercise regularly I have 2 dogs, and they are awesome! I am looking for a guy who can help me carry mulch (those bags weigh 50lbs) help me do yard work, and lift heavy things. Someone who likes to go out on dates, and or be happy to just sit at home with the dogs!”
“a bit of an over achiever, love my career but I only work to live (and travel). Visiting new places always makes me happy. I try to get to the gym as often as possible, but am by no means a gym rat. I don’t care for guys who are so obsessed with their body that it affects their social life (or someone who won’t have a “cheat meal” every now and then).”
One woman has cooking in her list of “favorite things”! That was the one on the sugardaddy site.
Actually, one other one who responded to a wink I fired off before offing my profile the other day puts cooking as an interest. Two more who claim to like cooking, but they come across as barflies.
I’m glad to know after a 12-hour day on the job that I will have a gal pal “bro” who wants to hit a bar while I am tired and starving to death and trying to relax at my fingertips!
And yet they never mention what they (women) have to offer us men. It’s narcissism at the core…it’s all about what they can get from us and nothing at all about what they bring to the table. At the worst, they’ll get a free meal if you’re stupid enough to pay for a chick you don’t even know. I mean your time is just as valuable as hers and women wanted equality, so they can pay their equal share.
Match is a cesspool of very low quality women mostly looking for attention or a daddy for their past mistakes with the druggie bad boys…not to mention most of them have already ridden the c*ck carousel. Stay away men.
There is a reason why women are on match – nobody likes them IRL for a reason. Stay away from match, and any other online dating site. It’s a losing proposition.
*nods*
Ah, Midwestern girls aren’t all bad…mostly we’re just kinda kooky…haha.
After reading through this and some of the comments, I wish I’d googled match.com before signing up a month ago. I have seen a lot more stories like this than I have success stories. I myself haven’t had much luck, either…I’m 33 and will either get guys in their 70s adding me to their favorites list, or 22 year olds (which I still haven’t figured that one out.). I’ve had a few hassle me to email them if I don’t respond within 2 minutes after reading their initial emails, and others get downright nasty about it…not to mention the occasional offer to send “private” pics (is this just something every guy secretly longs to do?). Funny enough, I did actually meet one guy my age with a kid who was about 5’9″ (neither of which bothered me in the slightest)…really nice looking guy, too, but he had some issues. Anyway, guys add me to their favorites rather than actually talking..or wink…it’s all BS. I’ll be glad when my subscription is up…good for you for getting rid of it when you could!
There are girls out there who don’t mind guys with kids,etc…I think it’s just that online dating provides too much of an online shopping catalog mentality that is quite disturbing and a little creepy. I’ll be glad to be free of it..and maybe actually, like, make myself get out more and stuff.
Good luck!
Matt, I can definitly help out on this subject. I’m somebody that did get actual in person dates from online dating and honestly guys your probably better off NOT having real dates with the people you meet online. So here’s my experience…I have used Match and POF (plenty of fish) off and on for the last 3-4 years. In the last year I have literally been on over 20 actual dates with women that I have met online but sadly I am just as single now as before I started this process. First off just know, I am an average looking guy who is 5’11” and I have no children. Now, my best qualities are the fact that I am college educated and have a descent career that is growing. Now as for the 20 dates, honestly, half of them were women that liked me but I wasn’t interested in and the other half was the exact opposite. Mutual attraction was very limited. Of the 20, only 2-3 women I actually dated more than once and with each one of those 3, I felt their was a chance of an actual relationship. The problem was though, those 3 women were so locked in to the process of online dating that, (I will get in too in a moment) that they could not commit. The first woman, who was 9 years younger than me, wasn’t bad looking (wasn’t hot either), we went out on about 8 dates, and were starting to be physical with each other. She was still hung up on a guy that she met one time on match (same place she met me) and she kept telling me that she wasn’t ready to commit. Long story short, I had to break it off with her. So now let me get to the meat and potatoes of my experience. Here are just some of things that I have learned: 1. The flaw in online dating is actual one of its features – EASE. People flock to online dating because of its ease, but the problem is people don’t know when to stop. You might strike up a conversation with somebody who you feel is great, but then instead of taking the time to get to know that one person, their is a temptation to toss that person to the side, and start talking to a new person in hopes that this one might be better than the first. I am guilty of this too people. Now, would you do this in real life if you saw somebody that you were attracted too and worked up the courage to talk too? Probably not, because of the VALUE that has been invested. My best friend Kevin is one of few guys that I know who 4 years ago met the woman he was to marry in person. He took the ultimate chance and getting rejected to his face, but look at the payoff. He is happily married to a beautiful woman and is having his first baby in December. I know that if he had met his wife online, their would have been so many more challenges and diffculties. 2. Online dating encourages people to become shallow. That one is pretty self explanatory. Ask yourselves, would please in real life treat me this way? 3. Despite the difficulty it’s just plain better to meet people in person. I’m so glad to have find this post. Reading all of these reponses from people who have been mistreated by the online dating community is a breath of fresh air.
You make some good points. Hopefully your spelling is better in your profile because I am a woman who wants someone with more than a “descent” career.
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Hey Bro , I am 5’9″ too you are soo right on target! Women today have a checklist , is he tall , is he rich , or they want a pet project , has he been in prison , is he covered in tattoos, is he unemployed , does he live at home , I can change him attitude. Why? They only want a good guy when they have a prolapsed vagina and their nipples are resting on their knees. ???????
In that short paragraph you have summed up my 3 years of online dating experience. I have given up on online dating do to the total lack of feedback, and the overt swindles of the sites.
Match is a waste of time !! End of f.ucking discussion !!!
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In an apartment complex that I lived in Houston, there was a loose knit collection of about 10-15 singles. We would meet at the pool on the weekends, and have informal parities. If one person knew of a singles event, they would inform the rest, and whoever wanted could attend. I even dated one of the girls in the group for a short time.
In the group, was an attractive girl named Heidi. She was a degreed professional in the oil business. And you couldn’t miss her. She was 5’11”, blonde hair, with blue eyes. She had broad curvy hips and an hour glass waist. She, needless to say, she got the attention of single men.
One Saturday, I was catching rays and drinking beer with some of the other guys at the complex pool, when one man I knew walked up to the group of us. He stated that he had proposed to Heidi, and she had turned him down. He approached us in the off chance that someone might know Heidi and put the good word in for him with her. Sometime later, I was at a different pool in the same complex. There was a water polo game in progress, one man with a boom box was playing about 10 feet from me, and about 10 feet in the other direction were two girls from the group talking about how Heidi had rejected two other guy’s marriage proposals. I wasn’t getting all the details of the conversation due to noise at the pool and that fact I didn’t really care, so I don’t know if the two girls were jealous of Heidi getting the attention of these two men, or if these women were mocking these guys as losers, due to Heidi rejecting them. But what this proves is Heidi was getting the attention of single men.
Fast forward 12 years, one child and one divorce later on my part. A friend wanted me to join a dating agency. He would get a bonus if I joined, and I could join at a discount. I said before I join, I wanted to see what the single girls in the agency looked like. I was given a binder of women 30-34 years of age. In the binder, were pages of women. At the top of the page, in about 1 inch high letters was the girl’s name, then below that a 2″x3″ photo of her and below that 3 or 4 paragraphs that she wrote of herself. I started looking, and I could not have been page to page 7 or 8, when I noticed the name Heidi. I took a good look and it was her. I quickly scanned her paragraphs. I remembered a phrase of one sentence, it read, “34 years old, never married, no children.” I thought how could this be? I knew of three men who wanted to marry her, and in the 12 years that had passed since I last saw her, there must have been more. How was it possible she never married given all the advantages she had? What dating parameters did she employ that failed her so miserably that resulted in her being a childless spinster given all the physical advantages she had?
In in a social setting, if she were not the most desirable girl, she certainly was one of the more desirable girls. And I am here to tell you Heidi could have had absolutely any guy she wanted, and I mean any guy. And if a poll had been taken by the single guys in the complex who would be the childless spinster of the complex, Heidi’s name would not have been at the top of the list. What had she done with her life? How was it possible she never married? Did she think at the age of 34, she would have a bigger and better selection of single males than when she was 24?
I suspect in her 20’s, she had a male qualification list as long as her in inseam, and if a male were lacking any of these parameters, the guy was rejected. She kept saying no to men, until there were no men to say no, to.
I also suspect that since all during her early years, she was used to getting plenty of male attention, and assumed the future would be like her past. Why would it change? And in her years 17-26, she most likely was the crème de la crème. But as she entered her late 20’s, much to her dismay, there were lots of younger girls, many prettier and more approachable, meaning shorter. At 5’11” she was taller than 99% of the women, 80% of the men and at 28 years of age, older than 95% of both men and women in a single’s bar. She stood out like a sore thumb due to her height and age.
How her story ends? I don’t know. I didn’t join the dating agency. But it was Heidi’s actions and Heidi’s actions alone that made her single. She wasted her youth and fertility using extremely flawed dating parameters that she created and refused to change these parameters in spite of years of obvious failure.
Albany, NY.
I was taking a training class in Albany, NY, in the year 2000. A co-worker was looking over a singles web site on a computer during a break. The site allowed you to read, but to write, you needed to join the site. I remember seeing a photo of a girl 21, who looked marginal at best. We’re not talking about some curvaceous model with a beautiful face, but a rather plain girl. She was 6’1”. She said in her introduction that it would be hard for you (the reader) to believe that she would most likely be alone this weekend. She claimed to be a wonderful person, fun, outgoing, friendly. She stated she was tall, VERY tall. And “shorties need not apply.” How is that for a condescending attitude concerning a man’s height? And you wonder why, shorter men are reluctant to approach a taller woman.
I laughed so hard! I thought this was hilarious. You should use this as your profile maybe you would’ve got more dates. Heck I date you, except your 5’8″.
Hey Bud, I’m 6’2″ former Military, blonde hair blue eyes, a motorcycle, jet ski and place at the beach in SoCal. I don’t get any action from online dating (or at least not any from anyone I message). I have three bachelors degrees (Environmental Science, Psycology and recently Bio/premed, I JUST got into Medical school, still have 8 months before school to enjoy free time). No one cares. I work two days a week with animals and special needs kids. No one cares. Bottom line is, some guys got “it,” some don’t (Whatever the hell “it” is).
I do not understand online dating. I’ve tried it in one form or another for 20 years. Same results every time. I’ll never understand it. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to just get along, be nice and courteous to people, use my sense of humor, etc. I’ve been quiet and self-effacing my entire life, and never trumpeted for a moment the things that I had to offer. I just tried to be a kind, but clever, and fun person–the best way I knew how. Now I’m just going to let fly: I was a ridiculously handsome young man–I mean stupidly, outrageously so. I have an IQ that is in excess of 135, and I’ve often tested much higher. I play several musical instruments and have been described as a “virtuoso” guitarist. I used to sing and act in professional level musicals and plays. I tell funny stories and make whole roomfuls of people laugh. I was the boy your parents hoped you brought home to meet them. I was kind, polite, warm, compassionate, and one good female friend once said I was a “brilliant conversationalist.” So, what did this get me in online dating?
Absolutely nothing. No one. Oh, sometimes I’d get a badly written letter from a toothless woman with four kids, carrying an extra 50 lbs., bad skin from sun and smoking and tattoos, no education and a crappy attitude. But apart from that, nothing.
I have not a clue what was wrong with me, or the female members of the site, or sites, that I joined and wasted countless hours writing letters, and lost tons of cash as well in process.
Oh, and in reference to the gentleman’s blog offering, I am over 6′ 0″
Now, some of you are saying “Wow, what an egotistical jerk.” No, not so. This is the first time I’ve ever revealed any of this about myself, or my frustrations with the online experience–we really can’t call it “dating” because no dates result from it.
Now, I’m 54 years old. I’m no longer cute. I’m in very good physical shape, but I’m getting on toward retirement age and if women weren’t interested in me 20 years ago, I can guarantee they’re not interested in me now. In fact, I have noticed that women’s expectations are even more ridiculous than they were 20 years ago. I’ve seen at least five profiles on a prominent dating site in which the women said “If you voted for Donald Trump, don’t even think of writing me (or if you don’t understand my reasons for feeling that way).” Wow…so now it’s no longer that you must make +$150,000 a year, look like Brad Pitt, and be perfect in every way…now, you have to have certain political beliefs and have known in advance what a potential date would have you vote.
I’m done. I think that I’ll go to Thailand and find a nice woman who just wants a man who will be nice to her.
American women…wake up. If you think that this crap is what will bring you your dream man, think again. The story of 34 year old Heidi will be yours if you’re not careful.
I am Anonymous, wrote a long reply today in defense of Matt’s article. He was right on in everything he said. You as well, brought up many true observations about on line dating.
Years ago, when on line dating started, people used it to meet someone to date. After years, multiple dating sites competing, advertisers, tons of people, games, commitment phobic people, scammers. It has become ruined.
Like you indicated, I have seen this too, people put their political affiliation. If you voted for Trump, don’t contact me! Wow! Really! How much more can these people looking for Mr. Or Miss. PERFECT want? I think there is a chemical reaction for people on these sites. Those who never get off of them, endorphins kick in, every time they are on line, read a new message. Always thinking they will meet someone better or more perfect. So they never want to stop being on line. These unrealistic expectations of meeting a fantasy person.
No one is perfect or a fantasy person. So people will always be disillusioned. It is like a kid going into a candy store, which one do I pick? Endless choices, new people always signing up, you never stop. Women put down specific salary, height, body requirements. Men outline everything they expect in a perfect partner. Has anyone seen the original Stepford Wives movie? This is what people are expecting who never get off these sites. Purpose of on line dating is to find one person, then start dating, leave site.
What I love are the chunkster females who demand that a man be physically fit when they, themselves need to be hauled around on a flatbed.
Well I’m 6ft 2 and still receive no replies. I own my own house outright and have a good bank balance. No kids, never married and in my 30’s
I signed up on a 1 month offer but won’t renew.
Single life has its benefits I guess? Least I can have a nice car and do what I want when I want. Still lonely, but that’s the way things are going!
Well I’m 6ft 2 and still receive no replies. I own my own house outright and have a good bank balance. No kids, never married and in my 30’s
I signed up on a 1 month offer but won’t renew.
Single life has its benefits I guess? Least I can have a nice car and do what I want when I want.
Still lonely, but that’s the way things are going!
This made me laugh, sir. Not the frustration part, but that you took the time to let me know it can suck even for tall guys in great financial health.
Thank you for taking the time.
I think there are infinitely smarter ways to meet other single people than inline dating sites.
The #1 way being to involve yourself in a group activity that you REALLY enjoy and are passionate about. Whatever it may be.
Two people with mutual interest in the same activity have a phenomenal jumping-off point for a relationship that doesn’t suck.
Best wishes, Jon.
Preach on brother. I’m 5’8. I’ve been on match for a few weeks and I’ve tried sending emails of all types doing what people recommend, doing what match says in guaranteed to work. Nothing. No responses. Only two women have liked me. They seem nice but one legit has a mustache and weighs more than I do. I’m not skinny. I’m stocky and I can deal with curvy women and full figured. Whatever. The other was a horrible date and no chemistry. I paid 6 months upfront. It looks like most of my messages aren’t even being read. I’m at a loss. I don’t get it. I really don’t.
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Ive had really bad experiences on Match now that I think about it, in terms of the girls I end up dating. They have all had something wrong to the point it doesn’t work out. E.g. she’s hot and Indian and stated on her profile how open-minded she was but she lives at home and checks with Daddy on every move she makes. P.s. shes 32. Make sure her intro doesn’t start with “family is very important to me.”
Match definitely tries to lure you with fake winks etc. as well. However Eharmony has been better for me. I’m guessing there is this general sense that everyone is more serious on there so the girls are less skittish? Who knows but I met my ex-fiance on there and she was great and I screwed that up. Yet EHarmony does the fake wink think as well it appears.
Anyway if they are pretty, in their 30s and their longest relationship has been a few months, run! No word of a lie, I dated a 36 yr old psychologist who specialized in relationships and her longest was around 3 months she told me.
Matt,
I am a woman, but I totally agree with you.
On line dating has been absolutely horrible.
Born in Southern California, but people here, how they act, dating culture is disgusting.
I used to think it was me, but have tried to date this way off and on.
Different sites, people, but nothing changes.
No one seems to take on line dating seriously.
They post these great sounding profiles and pictures. You read their profiles, so give it a other try, write to person.
Then, get no response back, or a word back, nothing really.
People here are so preoccupied with themselves.
They don’t take the time to try to really date.
Not do I think most really want to here.
I am a mature woman, have a daughter.
I am responsible, dependable, attractive.
Get noticed on line, with flirts, or likes.
What ever happened to a man taking the initiative, calling a woman, talking on the phone, asking her for a date.
Planning a nice first date, other than meeting for coffee.
There seems to be many disingenuous people on these sites.
They have great sounding profiles all about themselves.
But no follow through, lack emotional maturity.
I kept hoping I was wrong, but I am not.
Getting men who meet one time, curiosity sake.
Or those who want friends-with-benefits.
They have been divorced, paid money to attorneys.
So have no attention of ever being in a real and lasting relationship.
Let alone marriage.
And many have lied, misrepresented themselves, posted younger pictures, ages.
Everyone uses dating sites in the wrong way.
It is irritating for those of us who try to be genuine, want to meet a nice person.
I too, am done with the on line dating.
Would rather join a group, exercise club.
Meet real people that I can see in person.
Allow fate to step in, if there is chemistry, person will want it to go further.
Your blog just hit the nail on the head ! I have been on match for 1 month and even though they made me pay for 6 months I already cancelled and deleted the app. The only likes I get are from women that are 5 to 10 years older then I am and or 50 to 100 lbs heavier then I am! Oh and I get at least two likes or winks a night from what appears to be perfect 25-30 something super model type girls that ask me to email them directly to Yahoo accounts because I am that naive. Match.com and probably all the other dating sites/apps out there are full of fake accounts, scammers from Nigeria that try and cat fish people and not to mention the service it’s self that tries to extort money from everyone that joins
Hi I joined Match.com a month ago.I am disabled however I can still walk and drive.
I am unable to work anymore because of Herrington Rod damage in 2013.I am a honest guy and I just seem to get the middle finger by nearly every woman on there plus it doesn’t help that I am 5’6 also.The majorly of women want a guy taller and makes over 50k.Being a member on Match.com is the worst mistake I have made in 2018.I was sure just because I have a handicap there would be a few compassionate women that would give me a chance that are not into mountain climbing or contact sports except for swimming and yoga.
If you have a disability,not 6’0 or don’t make a 50k income and dang I didn’t make that in my 28 years of working Match.com is not for you!
I hate this site.I wouldn’t recommend Match.com to a fully healthy person.
Don’t feel so bad bro, I am make well over 130k , and I am 5’8 I sent out over 200 emails on match, 30 on eHarmony, 100 on plenty of fish , 50 on OkCupid and I can’t even begin to count on how many left swipes on tinder ! I have absolutely zero replies ! I would consider my self average looks! And places plenty of pictures on these sites, when I send emails I carefully crafted them ! In the end it cost me a 6 month membership to match, 6 months to eHarmony and it turns out to be all bullshit. There are way too many dudes on these sites then girls ,I would venture to say 80% are guys , out of the 20% thar remain 10% are Nigerian and Russian scammer that try and cat fish (I had at least 2 of those a night try to contact me from match.com) then you end up with 10% left that are split 5% that have not purchased an account and cannot respond and 5% that purchased an account and are looking for some impossible combo of looks , education, and income and the that last 5 is being bombarded with h emails daily from the 80 percent of the guys on the site ! I know it sucks , it almost made me spiral into depression after my divorce! Bare with it man .
Im at or just over 6’ and it hasnt helped me much either. I dont consider myself a model but im not bad by any means. I had a membership ,cancelled it then get emails,winks,etc. I started to chat with two or three ladies and theyll chat on and off not consistently for a day or so then will ask me a question and when I answer and reply back then they just quit replying what the hell? Its disappointing. Im goung to spare myself the bullshit. Its depressing and leaves you feeling worse than if youd never joined.
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Great article and thank you for sharing. Despite meeting many of those preferences, I felt the same experience. Not worth the time and trying to meet the delusional requirements of most of the women on that site is impossible.
While this absolutely called for description of online dating is 5 years old, trust me, it’s this and then some! Magically, it’s the same for women. I must inform you, Matt, that I am 5’ 2” and while I like a man that is taller than me, I totally would date a guy the same height as me. I have actually WANTED a relationship with a man just a couple of inches taller than me, and it was a no go by his choice. I’ve quickly learned that the men that do contact you only want sex, even though they swear by the fact that “they are the good guys”. I could write a whole article myself, but I wanted to tell you that the good WOMEN are out there. We are desperately looking for the good guys, with hearts, with honesty and integrity, and yes, even with kids. Your height doesn’t matter. Your tax bracket doesn’t matter. The real women are waiting on you to send them a message, because inthe order of things, the man is to take charge and lead. Maybe that’s the issue with you not coming across “the one”, yet. This real woman is tired of having to be the man and the woman…just saying. For the record, I also deactivated my account. I was tired of getting ghosted, stood up, having penis pictures sent (out of the blue), and getting only messages from men that are old enough to be my dad. Here’s to singleness, my friend!
Hopefully this will help a little.
I’m six foot two and if I read a profile that says must be six foot.. I don’t message them .
Same with income, I’m a highly skilled Engineer.
I never put my income and if I see an income requirement in a profile (other than must be employed,) I won’t message them .
Truthfully online dating is useless for guys if you have standards.
I’ve found myself lowering my standards to the point that I was messaging women I wouldn’t want to sleep with if I was drunk.
Now I just don’t take them seriously. In fact I pretty much stopped dating. Women are just too demanding.
Dude. I found out that my husband of 19 years cheated on me with several women, carrying on two simultaneous long-term affairs. I get the situation for sure. Pretty quickly, the heartbreak and devastation turned into knowing how disgusting he was, and deciding to get the hell out there and find someone new. I’m the kind of person (but not super skinny- average size) that loves to love and be loved. It’s fun! I’m a fairly attractive girl with 2 kids, am into tons of geekery and rock music and whatever. I thought, ‘I’m one of the guys, I’m totally chill and hey I’m told I’m pretty cute, I look young for my age, so this shouldn’t be too bad.’ Anyway, I ended up trying Zoosk (evil, ghetto site), Bumble (never actually had a conversation with even one guy), E-Harmony (total scam – got a refund), Match (actually had an ok experience, made a few good friends and had a crush but not match), and OK Cupid (best dating app out there IMO, found my new person and made a couple of friends). It was a couple of months of hell. Girls have different kinds of hellish experiences than boys, but let me tell you the rejection for us is horrible as well. Since the last time I was single I was 20 years old and, as a cute girl, had zero experience with rejection – zero. Ever. Entering the online dating world was like going on a roller coaster of mild to brutal rejection, feeling icky that to most of these guys it was a ‘game’ and if you responded too fast or said the wrong thing you were ghosted, and it felt disgusting to me that if you weren’t a size 6 or skinnier and ‘into sports, athletics, going for jogs on the beach, and a highly motivated individual,’ you weren’t worth dating. If a guy was flirting with me, I felt I had to mention that I was not a ‘skinny’ girl and ask if he had looked at all my photos. After this I would either get suddenly ignored, or I’d be told I was cute and that they’d still like to talk. And I’m not even really overweight! I simply have curves. I have a butt and boobs and am not a stick figure and the rejection was staggering. I made it clear on my page that I was not into sexting or hookups, I was a nice girl with morals and was there to make friends and see what happened. In two months, I was ghosted twice, asked how big my boobs were, told I was ‘the definition of beauty’ by someone who kept weirdly insisting I let him take me out to ice cream (did he also have a white unmarked van?), one guy I discovered was addicted to masturbating and didn’t want to meet in person (ewww), one guy’s response to my message that I wanted to make friends was, ‘show me your boobs I’m thirsty,’ I was approached by several swinging couples who wanted me to join their strange clusterf*** they called a ‘relationship,’ approached by 18-21 year old boys (I am 39) who claimed they were ‘very experienced’ and ‘like older women (good God), was tricked into giving a guy my number to exchange tattoo pics by some guy sending a very unwanted naked pic after I explicitly said I was not interested in that sort of thing… I finally had a crush on a guy who was pretty awesome and compatible, but he was scarred for life by dating girls with kids so we had to stay friends…and then I found my person on Ok Cupid. Or rather, he found me and sent me such an intelligent & thoughtful message it enticed me to respond.
It was all worth it in the end, but I have to say…the online dating app world is just brutal in general – for every normal person. Here’s why – 85%ish of the people on there are either the reason they are single (they’re the undatable ones with issues), just looking for sex, secretly married/have an ulterior motive, or fake profiles. We the normal, innocent people just trying to find our person out there are the 25%. I swear. I’m an observant person and this is my perception. Also, it is just NOT WORTH IT to use ANY of those apps without paying for the full package with unlimited everything. If someone else doesn’t want to pay for it and can’t message back, that is their issue and why are they even on a dating app anyway if the ability to speak with people isn’t worth $20 or something for 3 months. Kinda ridiculous to me. If we want to honestly find a person, why wouldn’t that be worth it? I had to deal with zero adds or inability to message, or unwanted views, could set my profile to private, hide view count etc. I never used the ‘free’ version of any of them. It’s just silly to me.
Also, and I hope you read this – I promise. A normal girl does NOT sit with a friend and say, ‘eww’ at profiles. We are all going through some serious rejection and crazy drama you are. If a girl does that, f$&@ them for it. That is not cool.
And for all the girls with stupid tall height requirements – they are single for some very good reasons as well – shallow as hell.
I wish you good fortune, and I won’t hit on you since I’m not single. But seriously…an intelligent dude with a successful blog, a good dad, honest? I might have. Keep your chin up and maybe try OKC or just tell dating apps to suck it. ?
This was a very long time ago. But I am still single so not entirely irrelevant.
Thank you for the kind words, Peggie. To you and yours.
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