Back at my first newsroom job, my paper had a partnership with a regional television news network. Whenever big stories broke, the TV people always wanted whichever print reporter was covering that story to do a live on-air television interview.
Just thinking about it gave me the cold sweats. I get nervous about public speaking and stuff. Anytime I was working on a story the TV people wanted to interview me for, I’d always find a way out of it. Sometimes, I’d simply disappear so they couldn’t reach me.
When the “dishes” post blew up last month, I received several interview requests, all of which I declined. Now, with the dust settled a month later, a couple of them have reached back out to me, and yesterday, I agreed to my first-ever live interview with AM 630 CHED in Edmonton, AB.
I was totally nervous about it, left work a half hour early to get home in plenty of time for the scheduled interview, and drank a little nerve-calming tequila because, hell yeah tequila.
If you want, you can hear the interview in the audio clip below. It only got weird a few times. The segment with me begins at the 17:55-minute mark. You can use the right-arrow key on your keyboard to fast forward to that spot.
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Excellent interview.
Thanks for checking it out, Linda. I hung up the phone only moderately embarassed, so I’ll call it a win. Having now gone back and heard it, I only dorked it up a few times, and relative to the nerves I was feeling, it seemed to come off okay.
It was great Matt. Bravo!
Great interview, Matt! I also wanted you to know that as a woman who knows I could be doing a better job at “wifing” I would love to hear your take on what you view as common mistakes that wives make, and a few examples of those things that I might not even realize I’m doing. I understand that you wouldn’t want to dwell on what is not directly in your wheelhouse, but I really appreciate your perspective and would love to hear what a few of your suggestions are for women to improve their share of the partnership.
I love that you asked this as a woman. As a man I agree ALMOST COMPLETELY with most of Matts observations. I also beleive that relationships are a two way street and there has to be a coming to the middle. So thank you for your question. I am going to ask Matt if he knows of a female writer that is basically ‘180 degrees’ away from his stance. Thanks again
Thank you. I just sent myself an email (which is often what I rely on rather than my brain to remember things) to address your request.
I promise to give it some thought, and maybe even talk to some married people, and maybe that can turn into a decent post.
Seems worth trying, regardless. Maybe I’ll learn something. Thank you for the suggestion and for asking. And thanks for checking out the interview here.
Hartmurmers-
I’m glad you appreciate my request, and I’m sure many (many) wives feel the same way. Matt didn’t mention it in his reply, but I think it’s worth pointing out that from what I’ve read, I’m certain he also believes that relationships are “a two-way street”. He’s mentioned in a few posts that he only focuses on the husbands– because he was one. I also think that he’s aware that people in general are more receptive to taking advice and constructive criticism from someone they feel they can relate to, and has “been there”, rather than someone on “the other side”.
And Matt- after I think about it more, maybe it’s not exactly “advice” that I’m looking for, but for someone to simply shine a light on what I may be missing. You’ve done such a wonderful job of relaying what I’ve failed to be able to articulate to my husband, that I guess I was hoping you might be able to do the same for him. –A sort of translator between the sexes! So not necessarily writing what wives “should” do, but write about what you think many guys are thinking/feeling when their wives or partners do (or don’t do) xyz.
You’d still be writing from the male perspective, but hopefully offering wives the same opportunity to have the “aha” moment I imagine you’ve given to so many husbands.
There are so many of us, so many average people, on average marriages, that just want to do better– but don’t know how. Thanks for being so thoughtful in your writing and your willingness to share with all of us.
What are your husband’s unresolved complaints? Then maybe we’d have a starting point…
Totally cooooool! And how brave to face it head on. So you’re like popular n’ stuff. N’ famous. Well done….and no tequila ramblings, you kept it professional.
Well. “Popular” and “famous” are pretty relative terms. I don’t know that I agree that they apply in this instance, but I know you mean it in a nice way and I really appreciate it.
I kept my tequilaisms to a very low roar, yes. I was sipping it responsibly.
Thanks a lot for taking time to listen. I didn’t know whether anyone would care.
You did a great job and your voice totally matched what I envisioned!!!!
Thank you. You ever hear yourself on a video or recording, and think: “Good God, I had no idea I sounded like that.”?
I was REALLY worried about that, because I do a little video work for my regular-person job, and every time I hear my voice I think and feel that way.
By some miracle of radio, or mobile phone technology, my voice sounded a bit closer than what I’m accustomed to hearing on playback, and that was a relief.
I know it’s still dorky-spaz dot com once in a while, but I did manage to pull it together okay when my body was initially revolting from the experience.
Anyway. Cool of you to listen. I appreciate you doing so.
Every time I hear my voice play back in the answering machine it makes me cringe.
It’s great you made it through the interview so well in spite of the nerves! I abhor public speaking but made myself join the public education speaking committee at work to get over my fear and it forces me to give presentations about our organization 4-6 times a year. I always dread it but then after I always feel really good about having challenged myself.
Good for you for working through the challenge!
I am so proud of you. I am so close to leaving my husband and your written, and now spoken, words really mean a lot to me. Thank you for being so open and honest. I think you are helping a lot of people. Best wishes and peace to you.
I’m really sorry to hear about what’s going on. Maybe something good can happen soon that will help lift your spirits a little.
At a time when you’re feeling as low-energy as you probably do, it was very kind of you to give some to this. Thank you for listening and taking time to comment.
That was very cool 🙂
That was a radical departure from 100-percent of my previous life experiences. It was a get-out-of-your-comfort-zone moment, and the hosts were particularly kind (yay, Canadians!).
Thanks for checking it out. I didn’t know whether sharing it here was the right thing, but I knew I wouldn’t have time to write a regular post today, so I thought this might serve as a viable filler.
I don’t know.
I do know that I hope you have an awesome weekend.
You too!
You sound too young to be so wise, but we’ll (your readers) take it. 🙂
I sounded like a guy who will be 37 in a month!
Once upon a time, I’d have been certain a 37-year-old can demonstrate wisdom. But since the older you get, the more ignorant you realize you are, I’m not sure I can make that claim.
But I’m glad I sound young! It’s probably because I’m immature and drank a little liquor.
So nice of you to listen. Thank you for doing so. And for saying I’m wise! If my parents or ex-wife or friends or co-workers ever read that, I’m sure they’ll get a kick out of it.
You and Louis C.K. are going to change the face of marriage. I especially like that you have said our kids don’t get the education most of us get once we’re deep into, or out of, our marriage(s). I want to send this to my college age kids (boy and girl), but not sure how they’ll take it….oh those fuddy duddies….maybe once they decide to move in with someone…that might be the time. Meanwhile, I take your lessons and try to pitch them to their age and life time….thank you <3
You put me and the funniest man on the planet in the same sentence.
Seems unlikely something cooler than that can happen today.
Thank you very much for checking it out. And letting me share sentence space with Louis C.K. I’m a fan.
Ok, I feel like I have been even more isolated that I thought I had been ’cause I’ve never heard of this Louis C.K. comic before. Just checked him out and I’m ashamed to have missed out on the years of laughs that I could have had. 🙁
Awesome stuff. Great interview Matt.
Very cool of you to check it out, Drew. Thank you. It was an interesting experience, for sure.
Here’s to an excellent weekend, sir.
You need not have sweated – you are plenty media-savvy. And you were among Canadians, after all.
On the other hand, if Howard ever comes calling…
Mr. Stern?
I think it’s a safe bet that won’t be happening.
But you make a fair point. Even though writing for newspapers is a FAR cry from broadcast media, I’ve been in a lot of situations interviewing people or being exposed to the radio/TV interview process. That probably does help me.
And hell yeah. Canadians. I’ve always been a big fan. You know, minus the U.S. vs. Canada Olympic hockey games. 🙂
Dude! Awesome! Because your creating something that helps people, the more media the better. And not just as a validation for your work/writing, but because it gives your work the potential to help and heal more people. Nicely done Sir!
Dorothy! Hi you. I haven’t seen you pop up for a long time. Awesome to hear from you.
It means a lot to me that you’re still around and that you took time to listen to that. Thank you.
I hope life out west is treating you very well and I pray that, like me, you’ve found the passage of time to be a faithful friend in getting rid of all the dark ugly stuff that follows us around after bad things happen.
I’m very happy to hear from you. Thank you. I hope you have a great weekend.
Hey Matt! I’ve been working tons at a new job, saving up for school so I can get this career change thing happening, and neglecting my blog. But I finished a very humble little prose chapbook and the release party is this week. So the west is treating me very, very well.
Time and writing has been the best friend ever, I’m very grateful for it. I wouldn’t have wished for the bad things and dark ugly stuff, but for me it was the wake up call I needed. If I could’ve become who I am and who I’m still working on becoming–a more loving and open hearted person–without losing my marriage, I totally would have. But there’s life. And I’m glad to hear that your life is brighter and better as time goes by too.
Very cool listening to you on the radio, very cool as always that your blog is still churning along, and It’s always very awesome to chime in when I can and be met with your warm welcome. Your writing still cracks me up and inspires me to keeping learning from my mistakes.
Hope you have a fantastic week!
Great job! The hosts had a really fantastic amount of insight into what you are about and an authentic appreciation for what you’ve done. And you did a great job of explaining how it’s not about the dish. Good luck with the book.
Thank you. That’s a pretty astute observation and I totally agree. It was really nice to not have to spend much time clarifying things. They really did seem to just “get” it, which is always refreshing and always feels good.
I know this was a bit of a time commitment. Thank you so much for taking time out of your life to listen to that, and then fire me a nice note.
It’s much appreciated.
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and I’ve gotta say it has helped me immensely. I’ve been struggling to understand just why my best mate, lover, partner and everything else she is to me can just flip so quickly. I consider myself moderately emotionally aware/sensitive and just can’t figure it out most of the time. When you love someone so deeply and try (I mean out your whole heart and soul into your marriage) it’s a deep and dark place for someone to go when you do everything you know that’s usually helps but now seems to have no positive effect at all. However, I’ve seen positive changes and I have to attribute some of this to you. Your blog has really helped me understand just a little how o can be more in tune with my better half. With two young boys and really a fantastic wife and friend, I would never give up on us. Thanks mate, all the way from Australia.
I saw this right when the comment came through, and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reply quickly.
This is, I hope for obvious reasons, my favorite kind of note. If your wife gets to feel content in your marriage because of a few changes you’re willing to make on her behalf, and then both of you get to feel better about your marriages, and then your sons get to grow up in a stable and healthy and happy family?
I’m a little embarrassed to even suggest I somehow played a role in that, because you and your wife are the only people who can make your marriage great. But maybe you read something here that helped you see something from a different perspective.
That’s what happened to me near the tail-end of my marriage, and I can’t overstate how important that moment was.
You’re awesome for recognizing you could do some things differently and being humble enough to do them.
That’s four human lives, not to mention all of the people close to you guys, and the future relationships and families your sons might have one day.
That’s not a small thing.
I use the phrase fairly loosely sometimes, but for you and your family, it’s exactly what you’ll have done if you and your wife stay on the path to Always — you’ve changed the entire world.
That you’d include me as playing a minor role the most important thing that can happen to your family? I can’t overstate how meaningful it is to me.
Because your story. Your family. Your marriage. That’s what all of this is about now. This hope that other people can benefit from things I think I know today that I didn’t understand while married.
In my head, it’s just some theoretical thing I say. That maybe there’s someone out there that this can somehow make a difference for. Sometimes people write me and say that’s what this has done for them.
And if you’re one of them, too?
That makes you and your family the thing in my life that’s not my son that gives me purpose.
When you get divorced, the biggest thing you don’t see coming is how hard it is to lose your reason for getting up every morning, and the motivation behind all of your long-term plans.
It just goes away in an instant. And it shocks your insides. And it’s scary as hell when you can’t figure out what you’re going to do next, and you’re questioning your place in the world.
This has become the thing (besides fatherhood) that gives me purpose. And when you kindly take time to share your personal story and include me in this growth-and-healing process you’re going through, you give that super-important part of life back to me.
A reason for being.
So, now it’s you getting my thanks.
Thank you for being a good man, husband and father. Thank you for taking time to read things here and caring enough about all of this.
Because we all take so much for granted, people don’t always realize the most important thing in the world is right in front of them until it walks out the door and they’re crying on the floor, not even realizing the human body could break that much on the inside.
Your family is the most important thing in the world. Thank you for treating them as such and being part of the solution.
I love coming here to the comments. Your replies to people are heartfelt and humble.
“That’s four human lives, not to mention all of the people close to you guys, and the future relationships and families your sons might have one day.”
I’m married to someone who is a good parent and we’ve mostly been on the same page about child-rearing.
As to the marriage, I held on for twenty years, trying. Tack another ten+ years onto that in a detached state, and when I look back on the disappointment, anger and sometimes misery I’ve felt due to my marriage, I wish I had left in the first few years after the children came, early in the marriage. But at this point, I am still here for my young son.
My adult children are divided about what is best for their younger brother. I believe his relationship with both his parents outweighs any benefit to me to leave the marriage. This is not a comment about anyone who has left their marriage–I am older than what I perceive to be the age of most who comment here and have generational differences from those in their 20s, 30s and even 40s.
You’ve said before that you won’t attempt to write from the point-of-view of the woman, and I thank you for that. But could you write about your view as the child of divorce and what it is now like to parent your son as a divorced father? I have been reading for some time but don’t know if you’ve posted specifically about it earlier. If so, could you direct me to that post?
Thank you for your blog, your time, and all the work you put into your writing for the sake of others and the hope that you can make a difference in others’ marriages.
Congrats, Matt, on a great interview! I can definitely see you doing the media circuit soon, especially once your book is published! I have to tell you that when I get an email notification that you have posted something new, I feel the same way I feel when a new Serial episode has been released. I look forward to reading it when I get home from work – like a prize at the end of the day. And an audio interview was extra cool! Good choice to post it here.
Thank you very much, Kirsten.
There are a few writers in my life I totally adore, and when I get the email notification of a new post, I love having that to look forward to.
It’s extremely flattering to think someone out there feels that same way about something I’ve written. I really appreciate you saying so.
Good interview Matt. I enjoyed it a lot
BTW, here is some reading that may keep you up at night. Scroll down to get the screen shot of the original post bc the OP of the thread edited it. I did tell the OP to come here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheBluePill/comments/47q49v/pregnant_woman_emotionally_abused_and_assualted/
Thank you for taking time to listen to it.
I was poking around that thread this morning. It’s a big world. A kajillion people with a kajillion different life experiences and a kajaillion different life philosophies.
It can be really frustrating at times to read or hear ones that fly in the face of everything you believe and are fighting against.
I’m trying to learn how to not let things like that get to me. I just want to keep my head down, and keep writing stories here, and keep hoping that more people will find them and care.
This stuff will never, and can never, be for everyone. But it always feels awesome to hear from the people it is for. You can always tell because it seems to affect them so profoundly.
I really believe that other than trying to be a good father, this is the most important thing I will ever do.
Great interview, and great site. Thank you.
It’s awesome of you to check it out. Thank you very much.
This makes me happier than words can say.
Thanks, you. I’m eternally grateful for your ever-present encouragement.
Great interview, I really enjoyed it. Congratulations on the success you’re having with the blog. Can’t wait for the book. I’ve never given any of this to my husband to read. What it’s done for ME is to make me realize that the little things I used to let make me nuts maybe aren’t that important. Thanks for that.
Thanks a lot, Dawn. I haven’t got a handle on what any of it really means yet. The truth is, in the grand scheme of life and the internet, this is still very much off the radar.
But there’s no doubt a lot more people are paying attention and I hear so many awesome things from so many of them, that it really does allow me to believe that this can be more and do more. It’s been motivating and inspiring in many ways.
It’s great to hear from you. And really cool to hear that I’ve some how accidentally helped you look at some things differently in a way that has maybe brought a little bonus peace.
Because I know what you’re talking about. Perspective is HUGE. I used to give a shit about all kinds of things that I barely even think about now.
Going through something deeply meaningful allowed me to properly categorize a bunch of other things in my life.
And even though divorce isn’t good, THAT is very good. And now I get to be a little bit better for keeping things in a more appropriate context.
Thanks for listening to the interview, Dawn. I appreciate it very much.
Enjoy you TONS…so so so look forward to reading your bloggings as they pop up. Ya know I gotta wonder…do you get a lot of flack from commenters of the male persuasion for what seems to be your “wake-up-and-smell-what’s-really-going-on-in-your-relationship-with-your-woman” musings? I am a woman and I enjoy how you bare your soul, mainly because if I said what you do I would turn off every male in the vicinity and the would close their ears. But because you are a GUY, well…let’s not fool ourselves…guys listen to other guys more than they do other women. Sort of like when I go to get my car repaired a bring a guy with me so I won’t get “female” treatment.
Hi Naomi.
I wouldn’t say I get “a lot” of flack. And I’d say the majority of people who DO give me flack might regret doing so someday if their wives leave them and they don’t get to see their kids much anymore.
Here’s what, as far as I know, has never happened: I’ve never had a divorced father who misses his children and regrets that his marriage ended give me any shit. Because those guys GET IT.
Most of the crap I get seems to come from bachelor types who think they’re bad-asses who all the club chicks want to hook up with or whatever, and sometimes the still-married Man-Of-The-House types who think I’m apologizing too much for “being a guy” and that I shouldn’t have to apologize for it or let all those “evil” feminists out there make me feel guilty for behaving as men do.
I’ve had plenty of people disagree with some point I was trying to make, and maybe if I’d had their same life experiences, I’d have agreed with them.
But I don’t know what I don’t know. I only think and feel what I think and feel. And I believe strongly that the things I write about relationships and marriage are much closer to the “right” approach to marriage in 2016 than whatever the critics are going on about.
On the flip side, I try REALLY hard to never pretend like I “know” anything. Leaving a little room for doubt, listening to people with an open mind and asking the right questions with humility strikes me as a more effective way to live.
There are plenty of guys out there who won’t read any of this stuff. But I’ve long believed there might be a bunch of guys who would read things I write that won’t read “the relationship books” written by PhDs and therapists.
And if I can somehow deliver some of that same information all the really smart people are trying to pass along in a way that is more digestible to the average guy out there?
That’s something I can be proud of.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m grateful for your time.
I no longer buy into your bullsh*t line of “I am just an average guy”. No average guy could put all this into words, let alone down in writing.
Keep writing Matt, and going on the radio, and increasing your exposure. You amaze me with your ‘average’ insight….I call it a super power.
Let us know when the book is coming out on Amazon, I will pre-order, leave crazy good reviews and watch you on GMA and the Today show as you do a book tour.
I agree. I think Matt is phenomenal! A true inspiration to us all…
You’re too kind, and you know it. Thank you. I don’t have delusions of nationally televised talk-show tours, but it would be really cool to have a book people wanted to read.
You help give me hope that that can happen. So, thank you.
Word.
Thanks Matt!!! I am a 34 years old father of two young boys. Their mom and I have been going through a pretty rough patch for the last 5 months. A guy I work with told me about your “dishes” blog and I have been hooked since. I don’t know if she and I will get things worked out but it won’t be because I didn’t fix some of my mistakes. I just may have not done it in time. She is still living here but she has gotten an apartment. She has had it for a couple months but hasn’t left. Mostly due to the boys I’m sure. I email her all your posts and have even sat with her and read them. We laughed and cried, both realizing our situation is similar to many others. My biggest flaws were just not giving her the attention she deserved. I would blow off going places and doing things that I didn’t like. We have been together 10 years but we never married. Both our parents are divorced and I never wanted my kids to go through it. Now here I am trying to keep my family together after years of neglecting her feelings. I reinforce in my boys that the small stuff is just as important as the larger ones. I’m just rambling but I want you to know you are helping people! I appreciate the bluntness of your posts. Hard to find something real these days. Everything has been politically corrected to save hurting someone’s feelings. Some hard truth would have done me some good when I didn’t see what I was doing by not spending time with her. Thanks again.
This was awesome to read, James.
It sounds to me like you and I have very similar stories. I hope the story you get to tell tomorrow though is a lot different than the one I tell now.
Thank you for reading here and caring. Thank you for working on your marriage and family. It was cool of you fire this note and share a piece of your life with us.
Wishing you and your family my very best. Good luck, sir.
James, your good guy! I hope you two work out! Even if not, you ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of what happened is huge!! I tried showing my boyfriend Matt’s blog but instead we argued and he thought I was trying to make him like “some blogger dude”. So, yeah, you’re ahead of the curve. And I moved out. Your recognizing stuff…and thats pretty damn awesome. Good luck James.
~Kristina
Just another note to say well done on the radio interview – I’m so happy that you are having success with this. You deserve it!
Thanks for taking the time to listen. It was a pretty interesting experience and I’m glad I was able to share it. I’m grateful for your support and encouragement.
Public speaking – and performing – are only difficult the first five or six…thousand times. After that, I PROMISE it gets easier. Hahaha 🙂
It almost ALWAYS goes better than you think it did!
This made me laugh. Thank you. I still have five or six thousand more to go, but after one, I can say that was exactly my experience.
Is your public speaking and public performances something people can read about on your blog?
No (although that’s a good idea.) 🙂 I write about other stuff, mostly food issues and whatever amuses me. But I have a (very) PT gig in a band, and I’ve been performing for years. When I started, IT WAS TERRIFYING. Now I only need resuscitation every 5th or 6th song. HA! And apparently I did a pretty solid Carrie Underwood at our “networking” event two weeks ago at Karaoke Night. (snort) 🙂
Katie, I’m checking out your blog and really enjoying. I’m very grateful to have found blogs as these. Honest, true life “ordinary” stuff…
Matt, your blog has truly made me reflect on so many levels. The ADD (I haven’t been diagnosed), but I do relate. My lack of being able to “focus” is very challenging at times. Reading is mostly challenging as my mind drifts on every other line I read, so blogs as these are very time consuming for me which does not help my “focus” on “getting ‘er done”.
I DO think your posts are helping me a lot… I struggle every day with “ordinary” crap. Reading others experiences are helping me feel less alone. Less hopeless.
My 15yrs old daughter just asked me what I was reading… Me: “another blog” Daughter jokingly: “I think you have a problem, a..(blogblem)”. Haha… she’s witty!
I’m happy to have stumbled on you Katie. I’m very new to the blog world… I’m hooked. 🙂
And Matt, I would also like to hear your “talk-showy” interview that you are doing tomorrow.
Hope you both have a great day. 🙂
Good for you! The interviews will get easier 🙂
I’ve got another one — slightly different format — tomorrow. So, we’ll be putting that to the test.
Pls send me link to it if there is one…
This one will be more “talk-showy,” and I think dive more into the specifics of relationships dynamics rather than the generic birds-eye view.
The host is a marriage and relationship therapist who has a show. I think she pre-records and releases as a podcast.
It’s just another thing I wanted to do because it would be different and get me out of my comfort zone.
Plus, maybe I’ll learn something. That’s always fun.
If I don’t share it here, I’ll make sure I fire you the link.
So awesome to hear your voice!! My imagination has always supplied me with a “Matt voice” when I read your stuff, so this was weird and wonderful at the same time! I have been enjoying watching where all this takes you. The other day some Australian comedian/writer I follow posted the kitchen sink post. I was so excited. I wanted to say- “Hey! that’s MY friend Matt!!” =)
p.s. Happy Leap Day!
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You should definitely go more interviews. Your voice is very soothing, non-threatening, natural and lends irself well to interview. I very much enjoyed how you summarized the key points in your message! Hope to hear more from you in the future?
Thank you, Lynda. It would be nice if there were more opportunities. Maybe someday. 🙂
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